Please smack me on my head

Right. At the moment, I hate myself so much. During this long holiday, if I am not eating, I must be spending money at the mall. I have successfully doubled my size and almost finish all my cash in bank. I was about to use my credit card today in the mall. Thanks god the customer in front of me got panicked because all her cards were unable to use. She was all pink and blue, searching every dollar and coins in her Guess handbag. That's when I came to my sense. It could happen to me too if I keep spending like nobody's business!

I went home, feeling guilty to myself and Monkey. I fully understood we don't grow money on trees, we work very hard to earn it. Not because we are underpaid, in fact, our household monthly income is way better than average family in my kampung. However, we always think we don't have enough until the next pay day. We always play this blame game; who's spending more money every month.

To Monkey, it must be me...because I am the one who make shops as my second home. Whereas to me, it must be Monkey because he smokes like a chimney and drinks like a fish. Everybody knows a pack of 20 sticks cigarette now cost almost ten bucks. Two or three packs a day is easy for him. A long neck beer can cost from 11 bucks to 15 bucks a bottle. 6 to 7 bottles a night is a must for him. So, it must be him, not me. At the end of our argument, I always win. Not because he agrees with me, it's because he's easy. For those who don't know me, please don't think that I am good at 'producing' crocodile tears. For the record, I am very bad at it. I can't fake a cry. I have tried before and guess what, Monkey knew it, he laughed at me. I won only because he loves me and he doesn't want to fight with me. Well, that's what he said to me.

Now that I have mentioned about me hating myself, why not I give more details about it. Today when I drove home from the mall, I was thinking was it really me who spent unwisely? I was thinking, thinking, thinking, and thinking...and finally I realized,ya,Monkey was right. It was me, not him!

You see, I have this silly need to visit shopping malls EVERY DAY. Unlucky for me, there is a shopping mall right behind my house. It's only a walking distance. I pass it every day from work. When I go to the mall, I like to see what people are selling. I like to know what is new in there. My nose likes the smell of the bakery and coffee shop. My ears like the loud sound coming from the CD shop. My eyes like to feast at the fresh flowers at the flosrist's. The worst thing is that my nose is addicted to the smell of the money that just come out from the ATM. It has got a smell that you can't find anywhere but from the ATM. If you don't believe me, go withdraw some money from the ATM and smell it. Then, try to find the smell from other place, see if you can find it. I am crazy, right?

The other thing is, I hate walking out from the shopping mall without a full loaded trolley or at least a shopping bag. Be it a small hand lotion or a stupid brooch, as long as they are in the shopping bag, it'll make my day. Now, that is the real problem with me.

After doing some counting, I realized I am the culprit of this always-no-money issue at home. I bought all those unnecessary things EVERY DAY. Example, a pack of vegetable that I know will end up at my garbage bag in three days time, a live-in Redken hair treatment that I never use, 4 brooches that don't match any of my work attire, and so on and so forth. I spent on things we don't need. I'm sure the money have better place in our saving account. Instead, I deposited them into the mall's cash register. Stupid me. Why didn't I realize this all these time? Gosh, I really feel bad about it, specially after all those hard times I gave to Monkey.

Enough hanky-panky for me. Today I decided I can't take control of my own money anymore. Thus, I withdrew all money from my bank account and put it into Monkey's bank. I have surrendered all my credit card to Monkey to be cut into pieces. No more plastic money in my purse. From now on, I will be collecting daily allowance from Monkey. I feel sorry to myself that I don't trust me anymore when it comes to money. It shouldn't be like this. I used to be very good at money management. I don't know what have happened to the girl who survived on 500 bucks monthly for six years in college. I want to find that girl in me again. Someone simple and very moderate on spending. I can't let this bad attitude changes me into someone we don't know.

Arghh!! I hate myself! Please, feel free to smack me on my head!

Warkah untuk Kasih (Updated)

(I put myself in my mum's shoes and this is what I came up with. I dedicate this to my mum's husband. I wish one day he would understand women have feelings too. We women deserve to be loved and protected, not beaten and betrayed.)

PERGILAH KASIH

Helaan nafasmu semakin menipis,
Kasih, pergilah segera!

Aku bukan meminggiri mu
Aku tidak mengalpaimu
Tidak pernah menafikanmu
Aku sekadar berdiam diri
Memahami batas sempadan pilihan kita
Kasih pergilah segera
bicara ini kita habisi di sini

Kuhimpun sepuluh jari
Kuhulur salam kemaafan
andai ini bisa meruntun hati lelaki mu

Kasih, ia telah lama berakhir
Sungguh,
tiada lagi kamu dalam hatiku
yang ada cuma ingatan pahit
ada kala bertukar benci
ada kala bertukar simpati

Pergilah kasih,
Pergilah segera!
Tiada apa untukmu di sini
Tebarkan lah sayapmu dan terbanglah.

Nikahilah dia, kasihi dirinya
Tatanglah dia dengan penuh
Jangan diulang kesilapan dulu
Kelak menjadi kudis sekali lagi

Pergilah kasih, pergi segera!

She who doesn't like Mawi-Ekin goes to bed

Bad title but I loike~!

Of all local celebrities, I don't like them. Not because they are the most popular people (at the mo), but because their wedding news are all over the place ~~ TV, Internet, radio, newspaper, magazines...my good god, what the hell! Hello? Who are these people? How many times did they made our country proud, or saved us from anything dangerous out there? I mean, really, Mawi is not even good at what he is doing.

Hey, I'm not saying they are bad people. Not like that. It's just, urgh, why do TV people need to talk about Mawi and his known-not-so-good bride when the only thing I need to watch on the tele is something descent? Can't they air it some other time when I'm not watching tele? Same goes when I try to read digital newspaper and listen to my online radio. Come on digital newspaper and online radio people. You have something else to talk about right? How can you not bored talking about the same topic all the time?

I'm sorry Mawi-Ekin for having to say all these. As you may have already knew, not everybody likes us. That's a fact. In this case, I don't like the both of you. Don't take it too hard, it's only normal. There are many others out there who don't like you too. Yes Mawi-Ekin, I know you never did me any wrong, it's just that you failed to give me the impression that you people are true to yourselves and those who you call your 'music industry followers'.

Anyways, anyways, whatever it is, it won't stop me from wishing you congratulation on your wedding. Good luck, may you success in your marriage. Please, I beg you, no more continuation on your 'wedding hit' news. I need all the correct and beneficial information on the front page of our newspapers, not gibberish. You want to go for honeymoon or whatever you want to do, keep it to yourself, it's none of all Malaysian's interest. Blog it if you have to but please, no more talking about it everywhere. Thank you.

Of course I will never, ever like you but I'm still a good human being, I truthfully wish you love and happiness. Never get involved in those ugly mess like divorce, OK? Otherwise, crap stories will be everywhere on the medias again.

With that, she who doesn't like Mawi-Ekin goes to bed.