An update from yesterday's incident happened to me at work.
As I expected, when I woke up this morning, I felt bad for slapping and swearing at my colleague. I left to work early so I could catch some descent time to approach her and make it up to her.
When I arrived, I noticed a few people who are close to the girl gave me cold look, while those who are close to me gave me extra length of smile and weird 'kind words'. The funny thing is, those people who never talked to me or returned my smile, say hello to me! Ha ha! They must have heard it and been shocked, this nobody is actually capable to snap and swear.
OK. OK. I admit it was a bit over the top for me to swear. It's never good to swear...but what to do, it happens and unfortunately, it happens to me too. Yes, I swear a lot. I don't know why I have the need to swear. I can't help from swearing when I snap. Before I know it, it already happened. I'm working on getting rid of this habit off me, I kind of don't like it too.
Back on the update, I approached her and stated my feelings about yesterday's incident. Guess what her response was?
"You have ruined it, I have no more space for you. You are as good as dead to me now. Get lost!"
She said that without even looking at me but I know she meant it.
Fine. Fine. Maybe that's what I deserve for slapping and swearing at her. She has every right to get angry at me and tell me to get lost. So I thought, since she had already said 'get lost', I should leave her alone. I turned around and that's when she added 'STUPID BITCH' (and more).
Alright. That's it. Here I am, trying to be a responsible adult...and all she did was keep scratching the wound. I keep saying sorry for the thing that I did only ONCE to her. ONCE! She did nothing but keep humiliating me like she always did.
I turned back to her and poked her waist like how she did to me for the past 12 months. She screamed.
I said 'This is what you keep doing to me all these time' and I poked her again.
She shouted 'Hey, stop it!'
I replied, 'No, you stop it. I've been telling you all these time to stop doing this to me (poking her waist again) but you ignored it. Now you tell me, how does it feel being touched on your waist without your permission?'
She got very upset. I could see it from her body language. That drama started to attract other people's attention so I thought I should leave it.
She raised her voice again and swore at me 'F*&% O#$ lah you. Stupid bitch (and more, which I don't think we should read here.)' She started to cry (again!). My god. All these while I thought I was the worst cry baby in this whole world. I was wrong, she is worst than me.
I wanted to snap more...but then I came to my sense. This is very childish. It will only make us look very ugly. So for the last one, I said to her 'Now, you know I have said sorry to you too many times already. You also know I came to shake your hand. Fine. I'll get lost. But before I go, I want you to know that you owe me an apology for your ignorance all these times. If you listened and respected my wishes, you won't get the slap and swear yesterday. Think about that when you are not angry anymore.'
Then I left. I have done my part. Yes, I hurt her but then I apologized and I mean it. Whilst on her side, she sees me as an evil who can't take a continuously practical 'poking joke'. Now according to her, I am a mean-stupid-bitch and apparently also a slut (hey, funny! Slapping someone on her hand and swearing at her can't make someone a slut. R, update your vocabulary. If you don't know, bitch and slut are two different things!)
I know people at work are talking about it. You know how fast 'hot' thing like this spreads. Well, again, I am going to say I don't care. It's only a small matter to me. If she wants to hate me, just go on. That's her life. I won't hate her back, it will only shorten my life. If other people want to judge me, go right on, it's not my business. In the past I have been through harder times. I have been loathed at school for being a misguided and unloved child. So if people gonna hate me for standing up for myself, duh, how is that upsetting me? It will only boost my self-esteem and make me feel good about myself.
Regret it? Certainly NO! I won't go and try another apology again. I guess the damage has been done. Maybe in future she will not feel this angry anymore and thus comes around again but for now, all I can say is (again), I have done my part, I have nothing else to say or do.
**Aims, what you said is very true, the day we started to respect ourselves, that's the very day people started to hate us a lot! I guess that is what happening to me now.
As I expected, when I woke up this morning, I felt bad for slapping and swearing at my colleague. I left to work early so I could catch some descent time to approach her and make it up to her.
When I arrived, I noticed a few people who are close to the girl gave me cold look, while those who are close to me gave me extra length of smile and weird 'kind words'. The funny thing is, those people who never talked to me or returned my smile, say hello to me! Ha ha! They must have heard it and been shocked, this nobody is actually capable to snap and swear.
OK. OK. I admit it was a bit over the top for me to swear. It's never good to swear...but what to do, it happens and unfortunately, it happens to me too. Yes, I swear a lot. I don't know why I have the need to swear. I can't help from swearing when I snap. Before I know it, it already happened. I'm working on getting rid of this habit off me, I kind of don't like it too.
Back on the update, I approached her and stated my feelings about yesterday's incident. Guess what her response was?
"You have ruined it, I have no more space for you. You are as good as dead to me now. Get lost!"
She said that without even looking at me but I know she meant it.
Fine. Fine. Maybe that's what I deserve for slapping and swearing at her. She has every right to get angry at me and tell me to get lost. So I thought, since she had already said 'get lost', I should leave her alone. I turned around and that's when she added 'STUPID BITCH' (and more).
Alright. That's it. Here I am, trying to be a responsible adult...and all she did was keep scratching the wound. I keep saying sorry for the thing that I did only ONCE to her. ONCE! She did nothing but keep humiliating me like she always did.
I turned back to her and poked her waist like how she did to me for the past 12 months. She screamed.
I said 'This is what you keep doing to me all these time' and I poked her again.
She shouted 'Hey, stop it!'
I replied, 'No, you stop it. I've been telling you all these time to stop doing this to me (poking her waist again) but you ignored it. Now you tell me, how does it feel being touched on your waist without your permission?'
She got very upset. I could see it from her body language. That drama started to attract other people's attention so I thought I should leave it.
She raised her voice again and swore at me 'F*&% O#$ lah you. Stupid bitch (and more, which I don't think we should read here.)' She started to cry (again!). My god. All these while I thought I was the worst cry baby in this whole world. I was wrong, she is worst than me.
I wanted to snap more...but then I came to my sense. This is very childish. It will only make us look very ugly. So for the last one, I said to her 'Now, you know I have said sorry to you too many times already. You also know I came to shake your hand. Fine. I'll get lost. But before I go, I want you to know that you owe me an apology for your ignorance all these times. If you listened and respected my wishes, you won't get the slap and swear yesterday. Think about that when you are not angry anymore.'
Then I left. I have done my part. Yes, I hurt her but then I apologized and I mean it. Whilst on her side, she sees me as an evil who can't take a continuously practical 'poking joke'. Now according to her, I am a mean-stupid-bitch and apparently also a slut (hey, funny! Slapping someone on her hand and swearing at her can't make someone a slut. R, update your vocabulary. If you don't know, bitch and slut are two different things!)
I know people at work are talking about it. You know how fast 'hot' thing like this spreads. Well, again, I am going to say I don't care. It's only a small matter to me. If she wants to hate me, just go on. That's her life. I won't hate her back, it will only shorten my life. If other people want to judge me, go right on, it's not my business. In the past I have been through harder times. I have been loathed at school for being a misguided and unloved child. So if people gonna hate me for standing up for myself, duh, how is that upsetting me? It will only boost my self-esteem and make me feel good about myself.
Regret it? Certainly NO! I won't go and try another apology again. I guess the damage has been done. Maybe in future she will not feel this angry anymore and thus comes around again but for now, all I can say is (again), I have done my part, I have nothing else to say or do.
**Aims, what you said is very true, the day we started to respect ourselves, that's the very day people started to hate us a lot! I guess that is what happening to me now.
2 comments:
Ery, 10 years from now, you will still be glad for what you have done for yourself today. I bet 10 years from now, she would regret for the things she did to you today (if she ever GROWS UP that is).
You did the right thing. :)
I think so too. I still feel bad for slapping her hard, though. :-(
Post a Comment