I'm nervous!

After posting Boros Tomod, I started to think about singing again. Ya well, I know, I know, who would ever want to hear a frog singing. But singing is my cardio. I 'invested' a lot at the Karaoke Box at Hans' Market and Danga Bay. If I have extra money, I go to RedBox. Selesa sikit. I'm so regular at the Hans' market that I've made friends with the staffs. I'm not malu to report I went there alone all the time. I know some people think it's bikin kesian to go singing alone, but I do not give a damn. If I like eating chocolate, I will go to the shop and get chocolates. If I like swimming, I will get my gears and go the swimming pool. Same as when I like singing, I'll go singing. With or without company. Hah, bongkak tak statement ni? Ha ha.

Singing publicly is not for me, I guess. I can't take the attention from the audience. I would tremble like a parkinson patient and therefore, my voice will be stucked up on my throat. Even if I managed to throw it out, you don't want to bear the sound of it. I promise it would sound awfully horrible.

It however, doesn't stop me from enjoying singing. I sing all the time. In the small bank (jamban..kah kah kah), while I'm cooking, driving my bog foot (betul!), when I'm feeling sad, when I'm happy...pendek kata, menyanyi memang perkara automatik yang saya buat setiap hari. Cheehh.. macam taik! Keh keh.

Dipendekkan cerita, saya terfikir, hidup ini singkat. Sudah banyak perkara yang saya tidak suka buat, tapi saya buat juga for surviving. Kalau benda yang saya tidak suka, saya boleh buat dengan baik, kenapa saya tidak mahu melakukan perkara yang saya suka dengan baik? Menyanyi ialah sebahagian dari diri saya. Kenapa tidak saya daftarkan saja diri gemuk saya ini di kelas vokal? Sekurang-kurangnya dapatlah saya belajar teknik menyanyi yang betul. Tidak lah telinga saya sakit mendengar suara saya sendiri di Karaoke Box. Mungkin kalau saya ikut kelas menyanyi, bolehlah saya lagukan lagu-lagu Mariah Carey yang sangat susah iteww. Saya dan pusat karaoke juga yang untung.

Munyit saya kata, why not darling, go ahead. That's what you dearly love to do. Go register yourself to a vocal class. We work something out on the fees. Chewah..sporting tak laki saya ni.

Atas dorongan peluru berpandu Munyit, saya pun mengoogle kelas vokal di Johor Bahru. Sekali percubaan je, dapat satu maklumat. Saya pun salin ke atas kertas. Nak telefon waktu tu juga, mau tak orang tu maki saya, call pukul 2 pagi.

Just now when I cleaned my computer desk, ternampak pula kertas semalam. Baru teringat nak call. Saya pun call lah nombor tu. Encik tu tanya, awak orang Sabah ke? Saya nak kata bukan, saya orang London, tapi slag dah kantoi jadi saya ngaku je lah. Temberang, kan?

Dia kata, oh, patutlah cakap lain sikit. Saya nak jawab, terima kasih, janganlah puji, tapi saya takut dia hang up on me so saya tersengih sendiri je. Then, he asked siapa yang nak masuk kelas ni? Saya jawab, saya lah yang nak masuk kelas. Dia teruskan dengan soalan bertubi-tubi, umur berapa, pandai nyanyi ke, pandai ikut tempo? Pitching tak lari? Amboi, difficultnya. Saya pun beri jawapan yang sewajarnya.

Then dia kata, OK, kita jumpa hari ni. Ah? Hari ini? Saya ada tuisyen lah petang ni. Kalau free pun, pukul 3 je. Dia kata tak pe, beritahu saya awak ada kat mana, saya datang. Erkk, what did I say to make him rushed to meet up? I thought he would ask me to come to his building or something. I said dalam hati, Ok lah, orang dah sudi nak jumpa, why not.

I told him it's easy for me to go to Perling Mall. If that place is convenient for you, let's meet up there. He said it's good for him. So there, I'm meeting a vocal teacher today, 3 p.m. at Perling Mall.

Saya pun browselah balik page semalam. Mana tau ada info sikit tentang guru vokal ni. Tak lah saya malu, kurang-kurang saya tau lah nama dia siapa, bisnes dia ni baru ke dah lama. Mana lah tahu, dia ni guru vokal yang famous, guru akademi fantasia ke... Cheeehh..berangan lagi.

He was indeed a famous composer back in 80's. When I read that the person I'm meeting up is A.Ali, my heart pumped like hell. Aduh, macamana ni, segannya. Macamana ek, takan kansel, dah janji.

Saya rasa sangat nervous. Saya cuma seekor kambing, cuma pandai buat bunyi mengembek. Takkan nak bagi Encik A.Ali dengar. Malunya. Argghhhh.....!

For no obvious reasons, I have butterfly is my stomach! Nervous ni!

One clear soup, please?

Went to a restaurant for quick lunch today. The waitress ushered me to a table for one and gave me the menu. It took me a few minutes to browse through it before deciding what I wanted to have. I waved to her with a smile, signaling that I was ready to order. She smiled back to me and came towards my table immediatelly.

Me: Erm, saye nak set yang ni (pointing at the picture on the menu).

Waitress: Oh, if you like that one, why not try this one (pointing at other picture on the menu). It's our chef recommendation, it's more delicious and yet the price only differ a few ringgit.

Hmmm..trying your marketing skills on me, ei?

Me: OK, boleh. Jap ye, saye bace dulu set ni datang dengan ape.

Waitress: Sure, take your time, Mem.

Ait, panggil aku Mem, ek?

Me: OK, saye ambik yang ni. Thanks ah.

Waitress: Any side order, Mem? Spring rolls maybe?

Not being able to say no to a friendly-smiling waitress, I said yes. I know if I said no, she will try to sell me other things. She was satisfied with my 'yes-es' and went to the kitchen to put my order. I thought I was impressed with her, it's not usual to have a waitress speaking English in a cheap restaurant like that.

Suddenly I noticed the soup in the set I ordered was mushroom. NO, I hate mushroom soup! I waved at her again, she came to attend me.

Me: I'm really sorry to bother you, but is it too much if I ask you to change the mushroom to clear soup?

Waitress: Erm, I have to check with our chef first. Give me a second.

Then she hurried to the kitchen.

She came back with no smile on her face. My fingers were crossed, please don't say you can't change it. I really don't want mushroom soup.

Waitress: I'm sorry, Mem. The clear is out of stock. We only have mushroom, tomato and tomyam left.

Me: (Puzzled) Excuse me?

Waitress: Oh, I mean the clear is not available today. I guess the raining season affected the stock in the market.

Me: (More puzzled)I'm sorry, I don't get it. You don't have clear soup today because of the raining season?

Waitress: Yes. Can I change your soup to tomato or tomyam?

I thought tomyam without those meat and seafood and stuff can be called clear soup?

Me: Tomyam it is, then. Thanks.

What the hell is the connection between the clear soup and raining season? I am still puzzled. If it was not for the waitress was busy attending the lunch crowd, I would ask her again about it.

Or did she not know what is a clear soup?

Boros tomod..

Adei.. ini lah ini..

Baru berapa hari balik dari kampung, sia rindu sudah kampung sia. Walaupun cuma ada rumah buruk mo runtuh, kana tukod-tukod lagi tapi sia rindddduuuuu betul suasana di rumah buruk kami. Kasian juga sia tingu tu rumah bapa sia, tapi apa bulih buat lah, belum lagi ada rezeki mo kasi bagus. Nantilah lain kali, kalau sudah tejumpa duit satu karung di tengah jalan, sia tulung juga bikin tu rumah. Bila lah agaknya.

Sia tension bah kerja jauh-jauh di sini nih. Hari-hari mo cakap inglis. Kalau mo cakap Melayu pun kena ejas-ejas slang ikut sini lagi. Kalau enda, harap lah durang paham sa cakap apa. Cakap Dusun lagilah, tiada langsung. Cakap sorang-sorang lah sia. Kadang-kadang kalau tu munyit-munyit di kelas telampau banyak makan gula hari tu (hyperactive), adalah can sa tecakap dusun. Itupun memaki. Ha ha, inda bah.

Nasib juga ada YouTube, bulihlah cari-cari lagu dusun kalangadan ginawo. Sia baru ja tejumpa om tedingar lagu si Fhilix Don. Siuk-siuk oh pula lagu dia. Sini mana lah sa tedingar radio Sabah gia. Memang lah dah bulih dengar online tapi tau ja lah, kalau sudah sa tingu komputer, mana lagi sa ingat mo dingar radio.

Silaka betul bah ini lagu lagu si Fhilix Don tau, macam rokok Salem Mentol. Bikin ketagih. Kalau sa jumpa si Fhilix Don nanti, sia salam dia. Aiseh, macam lah si Fhilix sudi.

Dulu masa sa masih lagi di zaman kanak-kanak riang, sia punya cita-cita mo jadi penyanyi, tau. Kad'tere. Tiap hari sa berangan mo menyanyi sambil menari-nari di pentas dengan penari latar. Adegan yang paling sa suka khayal nopo nga yang sa pakai baju kambang warna pink sama kasut cinderella, kena kasi turun dari bumbung stage kunun. Buduh betul kalau sa ingat balik. Sampai sekolah menengah pun sa masih lagi perasan mo jadi penyanyi. Pasal mimpi mo jadi penyanyilah lah sampai bulih main gitar tara'at, mo cipta lagu kunun. Ada banyak meti kaka lagu tanganak sa tulis masa tu, tapi sekarang buku lagu tu sa enda tau di mana sudah kena umban.

Bila sa sudah besar, badan sa sudah jadi, sa tukar sudah cita-cita sia. Ya lah...suara pun macam bunyi sapi kena kokor, body pun macam gorila, hidung pesek, muka bulat, pindik lagi kaki, siapalah yang mo suka dingar, kan?

Lepas PMR, sa mau betul kunun jadi akauntan. Sanggup sa pindah sekolah semata-mata mau ambil subjek akaun sama belajar komputer. Abis SPM, makin bekobar-kobar semangat sa mo jadi akauntan. Abis kolej, sa tepikir lagi mo jadi penyanyi. Tapi enda lama tu, sa cakap, ah, buduh, buat apa jadi penyanyi kalau sendiri ja dingar.

Sa pun pi lah kerja macam-macam. Customer service officer lah, kerani lah, kedai kupi lah...sampai lah intah macamana jadi cigu. Siuk bah jadi cigu ni. Kita bimbing budak sampai durang tau apa yang betul, apa yang salah. Ajar durang ilmu pengetahuan dan ilmu kehidupan. Memang best. Lagi-lagi kalau dapat budak-budak yang sporting, dingar cakap om tidak ogulot. Kalau kerja sia setakat mengajar ja, bayar minyak kreta sa pi kerja ja pun sa sanggup. Tapi tau tau ja lah, kerja cigu ni macam-macam. Kerani bulih, cleaner bulih, tukang jaga bulih, apa lagi yang cigu inda buat? Belum campur lagi kena serang ibu bapa yang inda puas hati anak dia kena tegur pasal hari hari inda buat kerja sekolah. Baru tegur mah tu, belum lagi kena tompiling. Baru kena marah. Kadang-kadang tepikir juga sa, kalau dulu sa terus jak kerja kedai kupi, area manager sudah kali sia. Kerja pun senang, abis working hour terus pi clubbing. Ha ha ha ha.

Yang paling enda siuk jadi cigu, mana-mana kadai sia pigi, mesti tejumpa 'peminat'. Ha ha ha! Perasan, kan? Kalau tejumpa murid-murid sa pi memeli meli sama keluarga diorang, mesti durang lari datang tempat sa, mo salam lah, mo tingu apa di dalam bakul sia lah, mo kasi kenal sama adik, kakak, abang, mama, bapa diorang lah...ada juga yang mo minta spent. Getuk.

Tapi yang lagi enda best, esok hari mesti durang tambirang sama kawan-kawan di sekolah, tejumpa kunun sia di kadai. Pas tu pandai miagil-agil lagi tu. Enda lah puas ati kalau tidak mo kasi lawan pengalaman tejumpa di kadai.

Miss E, I saw you yesterday at the mall, right? You and your company. Saturang kasi mula.

I saw you the other day too, you and your ang moh boyfriend. Silaka. Itu pun mo kasi tau.

Me too, I saw you with your ang moh boyfriend. He's very tall. I was scared of him! Adeh. Mulut puaka betul ni budak-budak.

Miss E, the other day I saw you too at Jusco. You were wearing short pants. Wow, you have fat legs!

Kimak!

Nasib baik sia enda jadi penyanyi. Baru jadi cigu, belum lagi jadi penyanyi. Intah intah kalau jadi penyanyi, sa tekentut dalam public toilet pun orang tau!

Apapun, sia sayang semua murid-murid sia. Empat taun sudah sia mengajar. Budak sia yang sia ajar dari taun satu, taun ampat sudah sikarang.Yang di sekolah lama sia lah. Tukar sudah bah kunun semua gigi susu diurang. Sia masih lagi keep in touch sama durang. Sikarang punya musim, baru taun satu pun henpon lagi canggih dari henpon napasa si. Yang murid di sekolah sia sekarang, durang bukan saja sudah pandai, 'pandai-pandai' lagi. Kalau hari satu sia buat sesi makan gula-gula tuntung di kelas, hari dua sia mesti dapat balasan gula-gula tuntung dari durang. Macam tu lah, pandai durang bebalas-balas. Masa taun baru cina yang paling siuk, durang bagi sa sampul merah. Kusung mah dii. Ada tulis nama durang lagi. Durang cakap mesti kasi balik sama durang. Tapi mesti ada isi.

Kurang asam punya budak budak. Sia isi 50 sen ja satu sampul, kotoh. Baru taun tiga, pandai sudah kenegi menjengkes...

Forgive me for cussing a lot here.

Mu'ah!

I love my relationship with my cats and dog. My life would certainly be very dull without their company.

Mu'ah for Crazy Jazzy.
Mu'ah for Mondow.
Mu'ah for Marong.
Mu'ah for Meck.

Love you all.

What's got into me...

Back from messy holiday ~ tiring but relieving. Now I know what exactly the dilemma of those children who has stepmother. Damn it, I've promised myself not to utter a word about the chaos at my parents' home once I get back to work..but look who is grumbling about it here!

One of my colleagues was sitting on fire during our weekly assembly today. He was in charged of the PA system again, like all other times. Something happened, we didn't know exactly what, but everything was all over the place. There was a point when the pupils thought it was funny and started laughing. The headmaster apparently was fuming after the assembly. He said many strong words to that poor guy in front of everybody. Mean old sod! I knew it was not entirely his fault. You know lah, machines also have 'good-mood-bad-mood' sort of thing. Today was just his luck, they were in a very bad mood. Straight away after the assembly (and of course it was already during the 'scolding session'), everything went places. The system worked excellently. Cet! My heart honestly goes to that poor chap, he doesn't deserve to be scolded in front of us. In my opinion, if Mr. Bald thinks he needs to have a word with him, why not do it in his football-field-sized office. Heh. People, ah?

After the assembly, we went back to the staffroom. I left my hand phone buruk in my pencil case before we went to the hall for assembly. Being me, forgetting the last place I put my mobile phone is not unusual. In fact, it can happen at least twice a day. Brain-scattered, ya, that's me. Never mind the 'missing' mobile phone, I knew I will find it when it rings. I then started to get absorbed in catching up with last week works. You know lah me, a few days before school holiday, only my body was present at school. The rest of me was already somewhere fun.

Like I expected, my hand phone buruk rang. I knew it was an sms because it was 'meowing'. Last week my bro paid me a visit. I thought his 'purring' handphone was cool, so I 'bluetooth-ed' (ha ha) it into my phone. I used it immediately as my incoming sms alert.

My phone meowed a few times but I was too busy marking my students' book, so I didn't attend it straight away. I was sure it was my sister, replying my sms earlier. I said to myself, she can wait. I have more important things to do.

Suddenly, I noticed a lot of people were crowding my place, looking high and low for something. Their face were as if something horrible was missing. Since they all were at my place, I stood up, moved and gave them way without even asking. After some times, they finally asked me if I mind they looked under my desk. I said go ahead, you might find my snake pet down there. One of them looked at me awkwardly and said, no, that's not funny. We just heard a kitten meowing from here. It could be under your desk.

For at least two second, I was stunned. I didn't know whether to laugh or to say sorry. Obviously my sms alert tone had sent at least 10 people to search for a kitten all over my place!

Then slowly I said to them, sorry, it was my hand phone, please don't hate my sms tone. I hoped they'll find it funny, laugh it out and forget about it.

I was wrong. They were furious. They said I have wasted their time, and what if Mr. Bald happen to pass by and hear the sound? He's already in a bad mood from the failed PA system earlier, hearing cat's sound in the office certainly could give everybody troubles. Sigh. Fine, fine. But I did say sorry, right? After all, there is no written rules and regulation about mobile ring tones in the office.

They left after harassing me about my meowing phone. I thought we were good again, until one of the meanest 'aunties' came back to my desk and asked me to change my meowing tone into something else. She said they didn't like it and it may send other people the 'wrong message' if they heard it.

I said, feck off, you can't make me change my mobile tone. I like it this way and if you don't like it, too bad.

Of course, straight away after I said it, I regretted it. I thought her face turned blue when she heard what I had to say. I knew I shouldn't say it. Damn you, dirty mouth! I really have to wash your mouth with strong detergent!

This is my main problem these days. For no reason at all, I keep making enemies.

Tu lah ko midget gemuk, sepa suruh ko budget bagus, kan?

Uncle D Ku

Hari ini aku telah diserang tension tahap bumbung rumah aku pasal perniagaan Forex aku hampir berbongkang gara-gara sikap tamak haloba aku yang tak berkesudahan. Nah, ambik kau! Hampir separuh keuntungan minggu lepas telah lesap!

Hal itu membuatkan aku jadi sedih dan bad mood. "Tak bleh jadi ni. Bagaimana nak pulihkan mood, ya?" aku bertanya pada diriku sendiri.

Aku belek-belek telefon burukku. Aku tekan-tekan butangnya dengan fikiran kosong. Tak semena-mena skrin TB (telefon burukku) memaparkan nama pak cik bongsuku yang kupanggil Uncle D. Dia seorang uncle yang cool. Dia kelakar, selalu ketawa terbahak-bahak. Dari 10 lawak dia buat, 10 kali jugalah aku gelak sampai terduduk. Bukan kerana lawak dia menjadi, tapi kerana dia boleh gelak sorang-sorang lepas buat lawak. Dia gelak bukan alang-alang, woi! Gelak sampai nampak tampal gigi geraham. Aku tak gelakkan tampalan cikai gigi geraham dia. Aku gelak kerana dia boleh gelakkan lawak dia sendiri sampai 'kebihis' kata orang Sabah. Bahasa Melayu kata meleleh air liur. Fun, siot!

Aku pun mendapat idea, kenapa tidak aku kol saja Uncle D ku ini. Mungkin dia ada lawak yang terbaru.

Dengar saja caller ring tone dia, aku dah gelak bagai nak rak. Dari dulu sampai sekarang caller ring tone dia kalau bukan lagu tema Doraemon, mesti lagu tangkap leleh Hindustan. Cayalah Uncle D!

Dia jawab panggilan.

Uncle D: Ah?

Wah, trend baru jawab telefon ke?

Aku: Aik? Busy kah? Siou.
(Aik? Sibuk ke? Maaf.)

Uncle D: Nokuro rih?
(Kenapa?)

Aku: Ingga boh. Mongudio oku tomod kabar. Monguroko koh?

(Tak ada apa, saja nak tanya khabar. Buat apa tu?)

Uncle D: Kodop oku boh da dii. Syif malam oku baino.
(Aku tidur , kena kerja syif malam ni.)

Aku: Oh, siou. Sombungai no modop. Monolipon oku kawagu lah.
(Sorry, pi lah sambung tidur. Nanti kol lagi)

Uncle D: Au monguro boh. Noposik oku no diti.
(Tak pe, aku dah terjaga)

Aku: Poingkuro karaja, osonong ie matuu?
(Macamana kerja, OK tak?)

Uncle D: Alaaaa...omm oruan koi nodi kawayu do overtime. Haro gia tulun minoguhod di gulu pasal inga karaja om putung gaji po ngawi.
(Sekarang ni kami teruk kena buat overtime. Hari tu ada pekerja yang mengamuk pasal kerja tak ada dan gaji dikurangkan.)

Aku: Moguhod di poingkuro?
(Mengamuk macamana?)

Uncle D: Omm, mingarang di ngawi yolo otogod dit tauke. Korosiai nopo ie tauke. Pujukai nodi yolo, nga guring pisang neh pinomujuk. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(Pekerja-pekerja menjerit-jerit marahkan taukeh. Taukeh tu naik takut lalu mencari usaha memujuk pekerjanya. Tahu macamana dia pujuk? Dia belikan pisang goreng je. LOL)

Uncle D: (Terus ketawa berdekah-dekah) Om, oruan nodi kawagu tu ogumu di kopio overtime. Apanat no kopio. Korosiai nopo boh ie taukeh minoguhod yolo (ketawa lagi).

(Sekarang dah lebih pula. Dah terlalu banyak overtime. Penat lah. Taukeh tu dah takut agaknya, pasal pekerja mengamuk hari tu)

Uncle D masih lagi ketawa.

Rasanya gigi geraham bertampal dia dah kelihatan.

Uncle D terus ketawa dengan penuh semangat.

Aku pun mula gelak. Bukan kerana aku cerita pisang goreng itu kelakar tapi kerana aku boleh bayangkan bagaimana rupa Uncle D aku ketawa.

Aku jauhkan TB aku dari telinga. Manalah tahu air liur dia menemui jalannya ke TB aku.

Apapun, aku cayang kan Uncle D aku. Dia memang super cool. Masa majlis resepsi aku hari tu, dia straightened-kan rambut ikal dia supaya nampak hensem dalam gambar. Tabik spring kat Uncle D!

Sekarang dah tak bad mood lagi, thanks to Uncle D!

Hati Seorang Guru

Walaupun menjadi seorang pendidik tidak pernah menjadi cita-citaku, aku tetap melaksanakan tugasku dengan amanah. Aku cuba memberikan yang terbaik kepada anak didikku, tanpa mengira kepercayaan dan warna kulit mereka.

Semenjak bermula tahun ini, kerjaku semakin bertambah berat. Aku diamanahkan untuk mengajar subjek yang aku tidak mahir. Suka atau tidak, aku terpaksa menurut perintah. Kesabaranku sering kali teruji, bukan sahaja oleh murid-muridku, tetapi juga rakan-rakan sekerja dan pihak pengurusan.

Aku tidak mahu merungut. Aku tidak mahu melawan. Aku telan semua kepahitan cabaran menjalankan tugas sebagai seorang guru. Tapi aku tidak sabar bila kemampuanku dibezakan hanya kerana aku berasal dari sebuah negeri yang dulu reputasinya aku akui agak ketinggalan dari negeri-negeri yang lain.

Kenapa mereka tidak mahu mengakui itu semua sudah berada dalam lipatan sejarah? Zaman berubah, manusia juga berubah. Semuanya berubah. Kenapa mereka perlu menilai kemampuanku berdasarkan reputasi negeri kelahiranku? Bukankah setiap individu berbeza? Aku tidak kisah jika aku diadili, dengan syarat gunakan kayu ukur yang adil. Selama ini aku sudah pun membuktikan aku lebih dari mampu mengatasi kebolehan rakan-rakan yang lain. Kenapa mereka enggan mengakuinya?

Aku tidak suka kejujuranku bekerja dipertikaikan. Aku kenal diriku. Aku bukan manusia yang tergamak makan gaji buta dengan bermalas-malasan dan bekerja ala kadar. Tidak perlulah aku senaraikan apa pengorbanan yang aku telah lakukan selama ini, aku tidak pernah megah atas semua itu. Aku juga tidak pernah meminta pujian. Aku lakukan itu sebagai balasan nilai terhadap wang yang aku ambil daripada rakyat sebagai gaji bulanan aku. Ia juga didorong oleh keikhlasanku menurunkan ilmu pengetahuanku kepada bangsa Malaysia.

Semasa memandu balik dari sekolah, aku tidak sengaja terpilih saluran lagu klasik di radio keretaku. Sebelum sempat aku tukar, pengacara saluran itu memainkan satu lagu yang tidak kusangka membuatkan air mataku menitis.

Sungguh. Aku menangis bagaikan anak kecil bila mendengar tiap bait lagu itu. Lagu itu sudah agak lama, sering ditujukan pada insan-insan yang suka berkorban masa dan tenaga. Selama ini, aku mendengar lagu ini tanpa ada apa-apa perasaan yang istimewa. Tidak pernah membuat aku gembira, tidak pernah juga membuat aku sedih....sehingga pada pukul 7.05 petang tadi.

Aku sungguh tidak menyangka sebuah lagu boleh meruntun hatiku, menyusuk dalam perasaanku dan menyebabkan aku menangis bagai anak kecil yang ditinggalkan ibu. Sesampainya aku di rumah, aku terus mencari lagu itu di YouTube, kemudian memuat turun lagu tersebut ke dalam komputerku.

Walaupun kesedihan hatiku ini tidak membanggakan aku, itu tidak menyebabkan aku malu untuk memberikan kredit kepada kumpulan Pelangi untuk lagu mereka, Biarku Menjadi Lilin. Kerana lagu ini, sakit hatiku segera surut.

Biarlah aku menjadi lilin untuk seketika ini. Biarlah aku sakit membakar diri, asalkan sekelilingku terang benderang. Biarlah tiada siapa yang sedar, aku tidak mengharapkan balasan. Cukuplah jika aku berjaya mendidik anak bangsaku menjadi 'orang'. Selagi aku masih bergelar seorang guru, aku akan terus berbakti, tanpa dendam dan benci.

Happy Birthday, Luv.

Baby, you're a year wiser now.
I hope you enjoyed the Blackforest cake.

You got better birthday present this time.
Seats for Kitaro's concert at Genting Higland this Saturday!!

Happy Bday, Monkey.
Luv ya.

Do you remember me?

Friends, they come and go from my life. Some left me with good memories, some with bitter memories. Some left me temporarily, some for good.

I can take it well, I can live with it. People come and go from our life. I do that too. It's OK, it's only normal.

Be it sweet, bitter, happy or sad memories, I accept them all. Although, I used to hate bad memories. I hated it so much that I thought if there were medicines invented to erase bad memories from people's head, I would take it, along with the risk of losing my good memories. That's how much I hate them.

However, life has taught me that everything happens for reason. If it left us with joy and happiness, praise god and enjoy it while it last. If it left us emotionally wounded, still praise god and let it be. Time will heal it and soon or later, we will find ourselves naturally moving on.

Yes, people come and go. This fact doesn't sadden me at all.

Nonetheless, there is a thing that sneakily managed to sadden me.

It's the people who have left me with nothing to remember, except for their name and face. Other than that, zero, nil, nada.

How could it be?

It saddens me because I want them to worth something in my memory. Remembering name and face is not good enough, I want more than that. What's good of having them in my 'hard disk' if they don't worth a pinch for the 'space' they take? Having to remember someone really mean and manipulative is way better than not being able to remember anything about someone I 'remember'.

Or, is the whole idea about them is 'remembering' their name and face? Maybe so that one day in future if I saw them again, I could save myself from embarrassment by remembering their name?

Oh, well.

Some Say

(Author Anonymous)

Some say the donkey's grumpy
Some say the donkey's dumb

They pile its back with bundles
And scold it when it grumbles
And thump it when it stumbles

No wonder it is so glum!

Some say the donkey's stubborn
Some say it holds a grudge

If I were so mistreated
And got so overheated
I'd threaten to be seated

And never ever budge!!

(My students love this poem. They thought it somehow funny, yet very true. Shame I don't know who to give the credit for this awesome job.)

Big? What big?

Student C.Y.L: Excuse me, Miss E. May I go out, please, please?

Me: I'm sorry dear, but we are in the middle of dictation activity. If I let you go right now, we will have to wait for you to come back before we can continue our activity. Can you wait for another 5 minutes?

Student C.Y.L: But I gotta go, please, please? You know when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Me: Alright. In that case, I give you 3 minutes and you have to promise you won't wet your pants or shoes or head so you have new reasons not to be in my class.

Student C.Y.L: Yes, Miss E. I promise.

Me: OK. Off you go. I expect you to be back three minutes from now.

(Student C.Y.L grabbed the pass card and rushed out)

One minute..

Two minutes...

Three minutes....
He's not back yet. Alright. Give him another minute.

Another minute was up. Still not back yet. Give him another minute.

Another minute was up, no sign of him. Total of 5 minutes now. OK. Maybe he's having a poo, give him another 2 minutes.
.
.
.
.
.
Two minutes were up. Still no sign of him. I started to be impatient.

Me: Ban Chang, can you check him in the washroom? Drag him out if he doesn't have important business there.

Class Monitor: Yes, Miss E.
(Off he went)

Five minutes later,

Class Monitor: I'm sorry, Miss E. He's no where to be found. I tried the other nearest washrooms but he's not there too.

Me: Thanks for your effort. Alright. If that is the case, we have to resume our activity without him.

We continued our dictation activity.

Riiiinnnnggggggggggg!!!

Me: Times up, children. Don't forget to bring your drawing block for our art class tomorrow.

Students: Yes, Miss E. Thank you, Miss E.

I went to the staff and dropped my stuffs. Grabbed my rotan, changed my high heels into a comfortable flat sandals and went on a 'mission' to locate this C.Y.L.

I started with all the washrooms in the school. He was not there.
Next was the school compound. He was not anywhere to be seen. Tsk!
Then I had no choice but to report his 'missing' to the management.

I was about to go to the office when I heard the loud scolding tone from the security officer's post. Though I didn't understand what they were saying (I don't speak Mandarin), I knew it was about my student. I went there and there he was, without even a slight of guilty feeling, he glanced at me.

Me: You lied!

Security Officer : (In a 'failed' Bahasa Melayu) I found him running around the car park area. He had a ruler with him and I thought I saw him scratching a few cars.

Me: Right. Thank you Mr. X. I'll take him from here.

I was too angry so I chose not to deal with him. I sent him to the management instead. I explained to them what happened and mentioned this is not the first time he 'strayed' away from my class.

Later in the afternoon, I asked myself. Is it my fault that I could not tackle that one particular student. I never got the 'chemistry' with the boy, no matter what I did. Last week in my art class, he refused to participate. Never mind that, but what pissed me off was that he disturbed his classmates. He purposely ruined their drawings with wet paint brush and found it amusing when his classmates cried. I tried to approach him with all those 'nice methods' taught to me in college but to no avail. He seemed to be 'deaf' when it comes to advice and friendly reminder. Finally I lost it. I have no right to physically punish him, so I sent him to the discipline teacher. You know what the teacher told me after meeting that boy? He said he hated me because I don't speak Mandarin and he doesn't like English or Malay language.

There's more. He said another reason was because my breast are big!!

For four-letters-word sake, kid, what do you know?! My breast are not for you to observe or anything, you are only 8 years old for heaven sake!

How could he make such remark on my breast? I can't do anything about my breast, I didn't have a choice on how big I want them to be. So you, little brat, I wanted so much to call you 'pervert' but because you are only a minor age and you don't understand what it means anyway, you are safe.

I will not give up on him, big no. He is maybe the hardest student I have so far but I refuse to give up on him. There must be ways to get through him, I will find out how.

Ya, I am furious for what he did and said. But he's only a kid, a kid can't rule me. I will get into him one day. I promise. I will make him understand, just because I don't speak Mandarin, it doesn't mean I am a bad teacher for him. I'm not the most perfect teacher but I believe I have enough qualities to deserve the title of a good teacher .

And for his 'low opinion' on my breast size, well...kiddo, I can't do anything about it. You are allowed to exercise your freedom of speech and opinion. Just so you know, if it not because you are a minor age, I would take your remark as a compliment. Oh well. One day when you grow up and start to notice your opposite sex, maybe you'll change your mind about it. Ha Ha!

Kids these days, ei? Tsk, tsk, tsk!