How I spend my CNY holiday

Just finished a novel by Sue Townsend. Not bad. Took me 5 hours to finish it.

Something unusual happened last night. I was sleepless so I started reading the novel. Monkey was already sleeping soundly. Around half past two in the morning, he rose up from the bed and sat at the edge of it with both of his hands on his face. I asked if he's alright but he was just quiet. Boy, I wished he was having a nightmare and sleep walking but he wasn't. He then went to the kitchen, grabbed two cans of beer and went to the gazebo. I got concerned so I went to the kitchen too, looked for the mosquito coils, grabbed dinner leftover, went back to bedroom, grabbed the novel and torch light. I followed him to the gazebo. I said to him I'm there to listen if he wanted to talk about what bothering him. So he started talking and I started listening (and eating leftover). Damn, Midget! Rice at 3 a.m.? No wonder you are so fat!

It was something about the unfinished business during his childhood. I can't say much, it's too personal for him. He sat quietly after pouring his heart out. I was hoping he would go back to bed but just the minute bofore I mentioned it, he said he wanted to wait until half past four (Malaysia time) to ring his parents in Australia. He said they would be awake by then. Oh, poor baby. I didn't want to say anything, just sat there quietly with him. I was afraid I might upset him if I suggested we go to back into the house and wait in there (mosquitoes were feasting on my legs, that's why), so I kept the suggestion to myself and kept eating my rice. He somehow got tired of waiting for the time to pass after he finished his last beer. He said he felt sleepy and chaged his mind, he would ring them first thing when he wakes up. Good.

I didn't wake up until half past twelve in the afternoon. It was my mother that woke me up, she rang from my grandparents' paddy field, reporting that they have finished harvesting the paddy today. I could hear aunt Betsy's voice at the background. What!? They came all the way from Sarawak to harvest the field? Oh. Maybe Uncle Victor got a long weekend for the Chinese New Year off. Good for them. I didn't talk much though. I don't like talking or listening to anybody the minute I am awake from my sleep. I said to her I'll call her back and threw the mobile phone onto my table. I didn't rise from my bed. Instead, I continued reading my novel until I finished it.

I smelled something strong in the air. Why, the smell is familiar. Right! It's the smell of something from Monkey's BBQ set. As I am typing this, he comes in to the room and pull my blanket. He said I must get up and lend him my hands outside, or else. I said, no way, I'm having a nap. He replied, no way too, you just got up from your sleep, I don't believe you stil are still sleepy. Oh, and he said my sister and our guest are cleaning the house too! Great. Now I'm officially in trouble.

But no, I don't want to get out from my bedroom just yet. I have been working 21 days in a row and now that I'm having a CNY off, I want to just lay in my bed and forget how hard it was working every day, including Sundays. They can clean the house all they like and Monkey could make my bro and my sister's boyfriend help him with grilling. I'm wondering what's the big deal about having BBQ again, we just had a BBQ to celebrate CNY last night. One whole chicken, one big fish and many chops. I don't agree with this, if we have BBQ everyday, it will take out the pleasure of having it. BBQ is the only thing we're looking forward when my family members and friends come over. Fair enough, they are here now but it doesn't mean we have to have BBQ party every day. Plus, last night was already extra special because they climbed the roof to watch fireworks.

There is another thing. I know something I shouldn't know about my guest. She didn't know that I know. It's really painful for me to bear it and therefore, I don't have a heart to face her today. I know she is acting things out so that everything looks normal. And I acted as if I didn't know anything too. That's really a hard job as I am never known for being good at acting out anything. I nearly said something last night about me knowing her big-dirty secret but lucky, my brain acted faster than my mouth. Shees, Midget. Mind your own business. It's not your place to say anything about it. Oooohhhhh..but it's getting heavier on my shoulder now! I don't know how much longer I can do it. I am so hurt that she has the gut to keep things like (the secret) from people, specially her family (which I know and fond very much). This is not right. By doing this, I can see that she's on her way to successfully makes many people get hurt (I am already hurt). *Sigh* Maybe I should say a little pray for her.

----God, please bless her and give her a true heart. Give her strength to be honest so she could come up clean and save all the pain she could cause to the people who love her. Please god, I haven't beg for anything from you in the last 5 years. You got to grant this one. I would give 50 bucks extra to my sister before she leaves to college this weekend if you granted it. Amen. ---

There. I'm feeling better now. I've done my part. Maybe not completely just yet, she's not leaving until tomorrow so I still have to carry out my new acting career. I hope I am getting good at it. Might as well consider taking acting class and pursue new career as infamous actress like Fasha Sanda. Hah!

**************************

4.09 p.m. now - I was dragged out of bed by Monkey before. He had his foot down so I had to leave my bed coz he actually grabbed both my legs and dragged me from the bed. I fell off the bed and knocked my head on the floor. Very painful. He will have to pay for that. Went to the living room, my bro and sis' bf were watching prison break. Went to kitchen and joined my sis and the guest eating mee hoon soup. My sis cooked. Smell alright but didn't taste very good. Sorry sis, just saying my honest opinion. Back to the living room, my bro said how dare I didn't get up and help with the BBQ preparation. For god sake, it's Australia Day and it means a lot to my Australian monkey.

Ah! Now everything makes sense. Today is 26th January, Australia Day. I feel guilty to Monkey. I apologised and said he doesn't have to pay for the lump on the back of my head. He said OK, now we are good again. I asked him now that I am apologised, can I have the best bit of those grilled meat on his plate. He said OK, so I thought we were really not fighting anymore. I ate them joyfully. Suddenly he said I have to stop being lazy, though. Ouch, that hurt! I said, ya right, I've been working as hard as you, I started my new year by working 21 days in a row and hell ya, I have my right to be lazy on my off day. I quickly left the 'scene of crime' (Monkey accusation of me being lazy-that's a serious crime) and now I am in my room again, typing my first very true and real secret monologue. Damn you, Monkey. I can lock the bedroom door, you know. You can sleep in the study tonight. First you said I'm forgiven for forgetting one of the many unimportant dates (to me) and let me ate the best bit of meat on your plate. Next, you said I'm lazy because I didn't help you celebrating it. You are in a big trouble now. We are officially fighting again!

I think I'll call it a day now. I'm going to bed, it's a better way to avoid Monkey. If he tried to make peace with me today, he can't, because I can't hear him in my sleep. Alright. Off now.

Ow. Shoot! I just remember that I have to send my bro to the bus station later. He has to go back to Kuantan. Now I can't sleep. Shoot! Unless I ask Monkey to drop him there, which I can't because we are fighting. I know the rest of the people in my house right now doesn't have a clue how to get to Larkin. Hopeless brats! I drove to their place in Shah Alam and found their place on my first attempt, why can't they pay attention every time I pick them up from Larkin? Now I can't go to bed. I can only have a short nap. Or, maybe I can arrange to call the cab company for him. ~ but I'm afraid he will get mad of me, it'll cost him a lot of money...

What do I do, what do I do...

Maybe I should nap now and see how I feel when I get up. Maybe I won't be this mad at Monkey after the nap. But he must say sorry first, otherwise I won't say a thing to him until he feels neglected and makes a sad face.

OK. Gotta go now. Talk soon.

Rest In Peace, Little Angel...

She was the love of my cousin's family, their only daughter, the only sister of her two brothers. Sadly, she's not with us anymore. She was diagnosed with brain tumor at the age of 33 months. I believe God has a better plan for her, so He took her to join Him in heaven.

I pray may her family keep going strong facing this painful loss. Claire dearest, I know how it feels losing someone dear to us. I understand words can't comfort us. Be strong my dear. I'm sure she's now in a better place and good hands. Time will heal the pain in our heart. Please know that my love is always with you and your family.

Rest in peace little angel. I will always dearly remember you in my daily prayer.

Here is the copy of her short story from The Star.

PETALING JAYA: When she was alive, Esther Lim Joy-Ern (pic) brought joy to everyone she met. With her passing at the age of two years and nine months, she gave others a new lease on life.

The only daughter of Lim Heng Seng, 56, and Claire George, 30, (they have two sons), Esther died of brain tumour last month in Kota Kinabalu.

Her kidneys were harvested and the recipients are a 17-year-old boy in Sabah and a 12-year-old girl in Malacca.

Her passing is a painful loss to her parents but they did not have any reservations when asked if Esther’s organs could be harvested.

“There was complete peace in my heart,” said her mother.

“It felt like the right thing to do,” Lim added.

“We knew that this gift is reflective of Esther’s life. Her name means joy and grace. Our precious daughter is already in heaven.

“I can only thank God that she was in our life. With her passing, she continues to be a joy and blessing to others,” said George.

She, however, admitted that the concept of harvesting organs was new to her family and she had to convince Esther’s grandmother about its benefits.

The couple is now encouraging others to do the same. They have sons Benjamin Lim An-Yi, six, and Joshua Lim An-Yue, two. They have also given each other permission to consent to their own organs being harvested.

“The doctors did not push us into doing this and when they handed Esther to us after the procedure, she looked angelic.

“I know the staff had gone out of their way to do their best to save our daughter’s life,” said Lim.

Dr Indra Ganesan, the Consultant Paediatric Nephrologist who was part of the team that coordinated the harvesting process, said both recipients were at the end stage of renal failure and were dialysis-dependent, “When they received a new donated kidney that functions, they had a life-changing experience. They can now drink nlimited amount of fluids and are no longer dialysis-dependent,” she said .

Happy Chinese New Year

To all my friends, colleagues, family members and those who celebrate this occasion.

Safe journey, don't drink and drive.

I have a pocket full of sunshine!

I haven't written anything in the past few days. I've been preoccupied with school works lately. Working life is very hectic at the moment. I haven't get used to teach Bahasa Malaysia yet. I need a lot of time and energy to do revision on my own on the methodology of this subject. I get very exhausted every day from doing too many things at a time. I guess that is what working adults life is like...so I must keep myself close to the positive auras and keep going on with a wide smile on my face.

Oh, and I have started to give private lessons on the weekends. I do this as a favour to a friend who owns a big learning centre in here. Plus, I need a little extra money to pay off my 'greed in the past' (ha ha, CREDIT CARDS! Dangerous stuff). On the other hand, giving private lessons is not bad at all. I get along with my students very well. I think I enjoy it more than teaching at school. Maybe teaching IS for me, just not at public school. I don't know for sure yet, I'll figure it out soon and write about it here.

Most nights, after cleaning myself, I only get the chance to put one or two trade on Forex, grab a few pips and off to bed. Some nights I don't even get the chance to read my favourite websites and friend's blogs. That's how tired I am. Dinner is always skipped these days ~~ I decided to take my bestie mum's advice, with hope I would lose some excess baggages on my belly.

But not tonight, I have something exciting to do than resting! No trading on Forex or following online classes for me tonight. I bought myself new DVDs ~ I've been waiting these DVDs to be released in here for more than 6 months. This is my first happy day so far for this year. Having these DVDs in my hand is really, really making me super happy!

So, tonight I will be watching Prison Break Season 4 (Part 2), Heroes Season 3 (Part 2) and Desperate Housewives Season 5 (Part 1).

Must go now. Can't wait to start watching them!!

"Monkey, where are you??? Are you coming with me or not??"

He must be in his study room coz he replied "I'm in the middle of something, just go ahead, I'll catch ya later!"

OK, suit yourself. I'm gonna start the Prison Break without you then.

Laters!

Reminder for myself

Dear me,

Don't get frustrated just yet. Things could be better.

Currency trading can be for everybody. It's just the matter of understanding how the currency pair breath with each other. Carefully analysing the trends is crucial. For a beginner like you, it's better to focus on two or less currency pairs. Also, use simple indicators until you understand other ways to read the chart. The next thing is, risk only what you are willing to risk. Once you lost it, you lost it. Take control your emotion. Take profit at 20 pips and don't get greedy. Stick on your target of 20 pips a day, don't, DON'T get greedy. It's always good to practice on demo account. Trade on live account only when you are very confident and all your indicators are indicating it's the right time to make profit. Otherwise, don't risk it. Trust your indicators. Trading without knowing what you are doing is no different than gambling.

The last thing is, remember that we are not gambling here darling, we call it trading. It's for smart people, not for the you-know-what people.

Keep that in mind. Success comes through erudition, not falling from the sky. Read more, ask more, practice more.

Keep positive!

No Regret!

An update from yesterday's incident happened to me at work.

As I expected, when I woke up this morning, I felt bad for slapping and swearing at my colleague. I left to work early so I could catch some descent time to approach her and make it up to her.

When I arrived, I noticed a few people who are close to the girl gave me cold look, while those who are close to me gave me extra length of smile and weird 'kind words'. The funny thing is, those people who never talked to me or returned my smile, say hello to me! Ha ha! They must have heard it and been shocked, this nobody is actually capable to snap and swear.

OK. OK. I admit it was a bit over the top for me to swear. It's never good to swear...but what to do, it happens and unfortunately, it happens to me too. Yes, I swear a lot. I don't know why I have the need to swear. I can't help from swearing when I snap. Before I know it, it already happened. I'm working on getting rid of this habit off me, I kind of don't like it too.

Back on the update, I approached her and stated my feelings about yesterday's incident. Guess what her response was?

"You have ruined it, I have no more space for you. You are as good as dead to me now. Get lost!"

She said that without even looking at me but I know she meant it.

Fine. Fine. Maybe that's what I deserve for slapping and swearing at her. She has every right to get angry at me and tell me to get lost. So I thought, since she had already said 'get lost', I should leave her alone. I turned around and that's when she added 'STUPID BITCH' (and more).

Alright. That's it. Here I am, trying to be a responsible adult...and all she did was keep scratching the wound. I keep saying sorry for the thing that I did only ONCE to her. ONCE! She did nothing but keep humiliating me like she always did.

I turned back to her and poked her waist like how she did to me for the past 12 months. She screamed.

I said 'This is what you keep doing to me all these time' and I poked her again.

She shouted 'Hey, stop it!'

I replied, 'No, you stop it. I've been telling you all these time to stop doing this to me (poking her waist again) but you ignored it. Now you tell me, how does it feel being touched on your waist without your permission?'


She got very upset. I could see it from her body language. That drama started to attract other people's attention so I thought I should leave it.

She raised her voice again and swore at me 'F*&% O#$ lah you. Stupid bitch (and more, which I don't think we should read here.)' She started to cry (again!). My god. All these while I thought I was the worst cry baby in this whole world. I was wrong, she is worst than me.

I wanted to snap more...but then I came to my sense. This is very childish. It will only make us look very ugly. So for the last one, I said to her 'Now, you know I have said sorry to you too many times already. You also know I came to shake your hand. Fine. I'll get lost. But before I go, I want you to know that you owe me an apology for your ignorance all these times. If you listened and respected my wishes, you won't get the slap and swear yesterday. Think about that when you are not angry anymore.'

Then I left. I have done my part. Yes, I hurt her but then I apologized and I mean it. Whilst on her side, she sees me as an evil who can't take a continuously practical 'poking joke'. Now according to her, I am a mean-stupid-bitch and apparently also a slut (hey, funny! Slapping someone on her hand and swearing at her can't make someone a slut. R, update your vocabulary. If you don't know, bitch and slut are two different things!)

I know people at work are talking about it. You know how fast 'hot' thing like this spreads. Well, again, I am going to say I don't care. It's only a small matter to me. If she wants to hate me, just go on. That's her life. I won't hate her back, it will only shorten my life. If other people want to judge me, go right on, it's not my business. In the past I have been through harder times. I have been loathed at school for being a misguided and unloved child. So if people gonna hate me for standing up for myself, duh, how is that upsetting me? It will only boost my self-esteem and make me feel good about myself.

Regret it? Certainly NO! I won't go and try another apology again. I guess the damage has been done. Maybe in future she will not feel this angry anymore and thus comes around again but for now, all I can say is (again), I have done my part, I have nothing else to say or do.

**Aims, what you said is very true, the day we started to respect ourselves, that's the very day people started to hate us a lot! I guess that is what happening to me now.

...and I slapped her!

It's hard when we don't like some things and people are being an ass by not respecting our wishes.

As for me, when people do the things I don't like unintentionally, I could gladly forgive them. However, if people do them purposely to see how I would react, I didn't know what exactly to do, until this afternoon.

One of the things that I don't like is my waist area to be poked. I find that very irritating because when people did it, I would spontaneously scream hysterically. It is also actually trigger my anger, I think people have no right to touch any part of my body without my permission. I have mentioned it to those people who (I don't know why) like to poke my waist, so that they know I DON'T LIKE IT and hence, stop from doing it.

Sadly, some of them didn't understand what 'I DON'T LIKE' means. How many times already I said I don't like they doing it to me, yet they still took the liberty to 'poke' me every time they have the chance.

Today I lost my patient. There is this girl at work who thinks she's people's favourite. For whatever her reason was, she's the one who poked me the most in the past 12 months. She passed me on the way to the canteen. Instead of saying hello or good afternoon like normal people, she poked me on my waist AGAIN! She must have been expecting I would hysterically scream so she could laugh and poke me more. She was wrong this time, I don't put up with anybody who don't respect me and my wish anymore. Enough is enough. My first thought was slapping her on her face and said DON'T but lucky her, my palm was smarter than my brain this time. I didn't slap her on her face, it was on her hand. But too bad, my mouth did it's own thing, I don't know why I said MOTHER FUCKER, YOU PERVERT to her. Honestly, I didn't plan it. She was like...huh...with her mouth in O shape for a few second. Her face turned red, she turned around and hurried away. Well.

When I went back to the office, a few of her friends approached me and asked what happened. I told them I swore at her and I'm not sorry. They said I should consider saying sorry to her because she was in a very bad shape. When I heard 'bad shape', it worried me a bit. I was scared if I gave a bruise on her hand. So I went to her and there she was, crying. No bruise on her hand, just tears. So I said 'I'm sorry'... and added '...but there will be more of that in future if people keep disrespecting me and my wishes.' She stood up and shouted at me in tears, 'I was just kidding leh..why you slapped me very hard like that? Some more in front of people!'

Bastard! There when it really started. She 'poke' me in front of people every time she got the chance and she thinks it's funny? Did she think I enjoyed it when I screamed hysterically and people looked at me as if I was some sort of crazy woman? I slapped her hand and swore at her ONCE... and she cried like a baby? What the hell?

*Sigh* I didn't want to make it look very ugly, we both are adult. So I said to her, 'Look, I said I'm sorry to you. I have warned you many times before this. You are aware that I don't like being poked, it is very humiliating to me. You never say or feel sorry for what you have been doing to me continuously for 1 year now... so suck in, I'm not going to say anymore than I'm sorry for slapping you hard.' I walked away after that.

I heard her saying 'bitch'. I didn't look back at her or say anything. I just smiled. Bitch or not bitch, I have done what I have to do and said what I have to say. I don't regret doing that to her (though I'm sorry I slapped her quite hard) and that would be the first lesson for those people who think they could make fun of me easily.

By doing that and sharing it here don't mean I am sending out a message that I am a person who like to 'collect enemies'. No, I am not. I love peace and harmony. I like everybody to be my friend. I just wanted to share that I am capable to hold my patient for a long time but when I think it is too much already, I will stand up for myself. Yes, of course I am still angry at her now but knowing myself so well, I know I can't stay mad for long. Maybe tomorrow I would want to say 'more' sorry and make up with her. I am that kind of person nowadays. For now, I'll just enjoy the fact that I finally stood up for myself and my wishes.

Spongebob was found in KL!

Ha ha ha!

I found this at IsuHangat and thought I could share some laughter here.

Apology Accepted

About my previous post, I can now officially put the issue behind and call it a history.

I received 3 phone calls today from the persons who made me lost my temper yesterday. Eventually my friends told them that I was upset with the issue they brought up and gave my number in case they feel like apologising to me. I'm not surprise they did, they all are educated people, they know what is the right thing to do.

For that, I praised them for having a courage to apology and asked for a chance to make it up for me. They admited it was a mistake on their part, they promise to be more sensitive about it in future. Alrighty. :-) That's a very nice thing to hear. They said they will only know I accept their apology if I am willing to lepak with them again next week. I think they are making a 'genuine apology' because they also mention everything will be on them. Wah lau eh! If this is the case, I will make us go to Starbucks! Oh, cannot lah. I just remember they are boycotting it now. Alamak. OKlah, usual place also can lah.

Meeting my dear friend, S, this afternoon was a real delight. She is still warm and cheerful like always. It's not easy for us to meet up these days, the distance really matter to us. I happened to pass her housing area this afternoon and thought I could use this chance to say hello. I was lucky she was available, so we decided to go to the nearest mall for lunch. I missed her a lot, she's one of the very good persons I've met in my life. I wish we could catch up more often. Thanks S, for making my day. Catching up with you is always fun!

Tiada beza antara kita

Hati saya telah disakiti. Tak tahulah sama ada secara sengaja atau tidak, yang pasti, hati saya terasa amat sakit.

Begini ceritanya. Kelmarin saya cuma bekerja separuh hari, jadi separuh hari lagi saya luangkan untuk lepak bersama kawan-kawan. Kawan-kawan pula mengajak kawan-kawan mereka (saya tak kenal, baru first time jumpa). Kami pun mula berbual-bual kosong sambil menikmati minum petang. Macam-macam yang kami bualkan termasuklah kehidupan seharian, berat badan, beg tangan, kerjaya, kereta, pilihanraya di Terengganu dan isu semasa. Bila tiba bab isu semasa, saya mula tawar hati meneruskan perbualan selepas beberapa percubaan mencelah. Saya kemudiannya mengambil posisi 'aloof' tetapi tidak bertahan lama kerana provokasi terlalu kuat. Saya membayar harga minuman kemudian beredar balik ke rumah. Saya sakit hati.

Kenapa? Sensitif sangat ke? Jawapan saya ya, isu yang disentuh memang sensitif. Bagi saya, isu perkauman tidak perlu dibincangkan secara agresif. Sudah terang lagi bersuluh, ini memang isu yang sensitif. Saya anti perkauman. Saya tidak mengamalkan sikap perkauman. Saya menentang perkauman secara terbuka. Mungkin kawan-kawan kepada kawan-kawan saya tidak mengenali saya secara peribadi, itu saya maafkan mereka. Tetapi perbuatan mereka mencaci dan merendah-rendahkan kaum lain tanpa rasa bersalah, itu saya tidak boleh maafkan. Tidak sekali-kali. Kecuali, mereka merasa insaf dan menyedari sikap seperti itu merupakan resepi terbaik ke arah kehidupan huru-hara di Malaysia.

Seorang kawan kepada kawan saya mengutarakan pendapatnya tentang kempen memboikot barang-barang dan perkhidmatan Yahudi. Saya memahami tujuan asal kempen ini, saya juga tidak menyokong kejahatan dan keganasan yang dilakukan mereka. Bukan mereka sahaja, sesiapa yang membuat kejahatan, penindasan, pembunuhan, tidak kira lah siapa mereka dan apa alasan mereka, saya anti perbuatan mereka, bukan khusus kepada Yahudi sahaja.

Asalnya, saya tidak merasa berang dan sakit hati apabila kami menyentuh isu ini. Saya sendiri merasa tidak kisah meninggalkan Coca-cola kerana ia membahayakan kesihatan. Jika meninggalkan Coca-cola juga bermaksud saya mengatakan tidak kepada penzaliman, ya, mengapa tidak? Saya gembira melakukannya. Bila perbualan mula beralih kepada alasan yang lain iaitu isu kaum mereka, saya mula merasa resah. Seboleh-bolehnya saya tidak mahu topik perkauman timbul kerana saya tahu pendirian saya bagaimana, saya tidak mahu pertemuan kali ini berakhir dengan kekesalan. Terlambat, ia sudah terjadi.

Kawan kepada kawan-kawan saya mencetuskan api kemarahan saya dengan melontarkan pandangan berat sebelah terhadap suku kaum di Malaysia. Perkara yang tidak baik tidak perlulah diulang berkali-kali, jadi eloklah jika saya tidak menyatakan secara spesifikasi apa yang telah dia katakan. Selepas ini mereka tidak akan lagi saya alu-alukan ke mana-mana 'port' lepak saya dan kawan-kawan.

Betulkan saya jika apa yang saya katakan ini salah. Tanah ini milik mutlak Pencipta kita, bukannya kaum-kaum yang dulu tiba di sini daripada kaum yang lain.

So what jika mereka tiba di sini lebih awal daripada kaum lain? Sama seperti mereka yang tiba awal, tiba lambat di sini bukannya satu pilihan kerana kita semua cuma menjalani kehidupan mengikut rencana hidup yang telah tertulis untuk kita. Mengapa perlu ada pihak yang ingin 'membolot' kesemua ruang dan peluang di sini dan menidakkan hak orang lain, hanya kerana mereka tiba awal di sini?

Kawan kepada kawan-kawan saya tadi mula merepek tentang betapa seharusnya kaum mereka dihormati oleh kaum lain. Bagi mereka, kaum lain adalah 'pendatang' yang telah merampas dan mencabuli hak-hak istimewa kaum mereka. Tempat di universiti-universiti, peluang pekerjaan, peluang perniagaan, semuanya didominasikan oleh bangsa 'yang tidak sepatutnya'. Selayaknya mereka balik sahaja ke tempat asal mereka. 'Pendatang' ini cuma datang membuat kacau di sini. Ada juga mereka sentuh tentang kepercayaan agama 'pendatang' ini, mereka memberi satu istilah lain tapi maaf, saya rasa ia menjijikkan dan tidak mahu menulisnya. Di sinilah kemarahan saya mula berapi. Mungkin bagi mereka, itu adalah pandangan peribadi, lahir dari hati. Mungkin pada mereka itulah yang mereka dengar setiap hari, itulah yang mentaliti yang diterapkan kepada mereka oleh orang-orang yang berpengaruh dalam hidup mereka. Jika itulah kesnya, saya tidak lah boleh terlalu menyalahkan mereka, mereka adalah mangsa budaya malas membaca. Makan apa yang disuapkan sahaja. Dengar apa yang hendak didengar sahaja.

Apa yang membuatkan saya tersinggung ialah pilihan mereka untuk mengamalkan mentaliti seperti itu. Jika inilah yang mereka akan 'lagukan' dan 'syairkan' kepada murid-murid mereka di sekolah ataupun anak-anak mereka sendiri, bayangkanlah kesannya. Saya kemudiannya mencelah dan menyatakan pendirian saya...tapi mereka bersatu tenaga dan membidas saya bertubi-tubi. Mereka juga mengatakan saya juga 'bumiputera', saya sepatutnya sedar ancaman ini. Saya akhirnya berdiam diri, bukan kerana saya bersetuju dengan mereka dan mengkhianati pendirian saya, tetapi kerana saya tahu perdebatan ini tidak akan ke mana. Hati mereka sudah bulat, mereka telah mengambil keputusan untuk mempercayai kehadiran bangsa lain telah menggugat hak mereka. Mereka menyesali kehadiran bangsa yang lain di sini.

Ada beberapa perkara yang membuatkan saya berfikir panjang. Pertemuan singkat saya dengan kawan-kawan kepada kawan-kawan saya mungkin juga telah membawa faedah kepada diri saya sendiri. Saya belajar perkara baru hari ini iaitu aras tahap paranoia insan-insan yang berjiwa lemah. Mereka sentiasa takut kehilangan tempat, takut ketiadaan peluang, takut persaingan, takut kepada segala-galanya! Kerana itu mereka melihat orang lain sebagai ancaman kepada mereka. Well, jika sekalipun mereka tinggal di Malaysia hanya dengan kaum mereka sahaja, mahu tak mahu mereka terpaksa juga bersaing untuk mendapatkan apa-apa peluang. Tak kan ada mana-mana organisasi di dunia ini yang sudi mengupah seorang yang gagal dalam pelajaran, kecuali organisasi itu 'bapak dia punya.' Tak percaya, cuba tulis dalam resume, Latar belakang pendidikan: 'tidak pernah ke sekolah', 'gagal semester akhir di universiti' atau 'tidak menamatkan pengajian'. Saya percaya resume itu akan terus menjadi penghuni tong sampah. Pada waktu itu, siapakah yang mereka akan persalahkan? Sesama kaum mereka kerana ada antara mereka yang lebih baik? Organisasi tersebut kerana hanya menerima yang terbaik? Jika mereka mempunyai kualiti dan kepakaran, mengapa takut? Mengapa perlu melihat orang lain sebagai ancaman jika kita memang berkelayakan?

Berkenaan susur galur bangsa-bangsa di Malaysia, saya berpendapat tidak payahlah terlalu mengenangkan masa lampau. Sejarah memang penting untuk dihayati dan diingati kerana dengan berbuat demikian, kita akan sentiasa ingat akan peristiwa-peristiwa yang menyebabkan kita mempunyai apa yang kita ada sekarang. Namun begitu, ada juga peristiwa yang kita perlu tinggalkan sebagai satu 'sejarah' dan menerima kesan peristiwa tersebut dengan positif. Untuk apa kita memarahi keadaan sekarang dan melukakan hati kawan-kawan kita atas kejadian pada beberapa puluh atau ratus tahun yang lepas? Jika kita marah dan kesal sekalipun, semuanya sudah berlaku. Itu bukan tempat kita untuk memperbetulkan peristiwa itu. Apa yang patut kita lakukan ialah mencipta 'sejarah pada masa hadapan' dengan baik agar anak cucu keturunan kita tidak akan menanggung kesan buruk dan menyalahkan kita atas perbuatan kita sekarang. Dalam bahasa kasar, to the hell where was their origin because they are here now and they are going to stay! Mereka telah lahir di sini, membesar di sini, hidup di sini, membayar cukai di sini, bukankah itu sudah cukup untuk mereka layak memanggil tempat ini sebagai rumah mereka? Kecuali bagi kes tertentu seperti mereka yang 'berenang' dari negara mereka dan masuk melalui jalan tikus, mereka inilah yang sepatutnya dipanggil 'pendatang'. Jelas sekali mereka inilah yang perlu dikecam kerana telah mencabul kedaulatan undang-undang negara kita. Mereka inilah yang harus dihantar pulang dan dikenakan tindakan yang wajar kerana lambat laun mereka akan menjadi liabiliti kepada negara kita.

Kumpulan kawan-kawan kepada kawan-kawan saya itu saya lihat sebagai cakap tak serupa bikin. Betapa berapi-apinya mereka berkempen memboikot Yahudi atas perbuatan zalim mereka tapi sedihnya sejurus selepas itu, mereka tanpa segan silu 'menzalimi' orang lain pula. Mereka tidak terfikir kah, agama dan pendirian adalah pilihan tapi dilahirkan ke dalam sesuatu ras kaum adalah kerja Tuhan, itu bukan satu pilihan. Menindas kaum lain samalah juga seperti mempersoalkan kerja Pencipta kita. Satu hal yang saya tidak faham, mereka tidak kenal pun siapa insan-insan malang yang dizalimi oleh para penjahat Yahudi, tetapi merasa sangat kasihan terhadap mereka kerana insan-insan tersebut menganut fahaman yang sama dengan mereka. Apabila bercakap tentang 'hal dalam kain sendiri' pula, wah, bukan main menghina dan memperlekehkan bangsa lain. Kebencian nampak sangat terserlah bila bercakap tentang kaum yang tinggal sama dengan mereka. Apa semua ni? Sekejap kata Yahudi zalim lah, menindas lah, laknat lah, tapi diri sendiri juga bersikap seperti itu.

Saya berharap mereka ini (kawan-kawan kepada kawan-kawan saya) cumalah 'kes terpencil' sahaja. Saya tidak percaya di zaman moden di mana semua orang mendapat pendidikan yang setara, masih ada juga yang tidak memahami nilai bertolak ansur, hormat-menghormati dan toleransi. Come on lah, hidup ini singkat dan hanya sementara. Rugi lah kita jika kita habiskan hidup kita mencari beza antara kita. Tiada beza antara kita. Akhirnya kita semua akan mati dan balik kepada Pencipta kita. Apa salahnya kita 'buta warna' jika itu boleh menyebabkan kita hidup rukun tanpa sengketa.

Sekali lagi, saya benci perkauman. Saya benci orang yang mengamalkan perkauman dan bila saya lakukan itu, tidak bermaksud saya membenci bangsa mereka. Saya cuma membenci individu itu sahaja. Screw you racist!!!!

*Sigh* Sori, saya selalu marah-marah kat sini. Esok saya tulis cerita happy pula ya.

Membina Ayat

Aduh...pening kepala. Kenapa agaknya mereka menugaskan saya mengajar kelas Bahasa Malaysia tahun ni. Sepanjang tempoh pengalaman saya mengajar, tidak pernah terfikir satu hari nanti saya akan diamanahkan mengajar kelas Bahasa Malaysia. Ni yang tengah pening ni. Baru seminggu sekolah bermula, belum lagi sepanjang tahun. Walaupun subjek ini merupakan subjek 'piece of cake' bagi saya pada zaman persekolahan dulu, mengajarkannya kepada murid-murid tidaklah semudah yang saya sangkakan. Semasa di kolej, saya tidak terpilih untuk mengambil BM sebagai major atau minor. Oleh itu, saya tidak mempunyai sebarang idea tentang metadologi subjek ini. Nampaknya saya kena mencari semula 'kitab-kitab' lama saya dan mengulangkaji subjek ini. Harap-harap guru-guru senior saya tak naik menyampah kerana saya perlu mengejar mereka ke mana-mana mereka pergi untuk mendapatkan ilmu mereka.

Saya mengutip kerja rumah bagi aktiviti membina ayat hari ini. Nak tahu? Hampir berdarah kepala ini saya garu walaupun tak gatal kerana ayat-ayat yang dibina oleh murid-murid saya sangat sukar. Maksud saya, untuk tahap first-timer seperti saya. Setakat ini, saya baru menyemak suku sahaja. Itupun setelah menghabiskan 3.5 jam membetulkan ayat-ayat mereka. Bagaimana agaknya saya nak habiskan menyemak kesemua buku mereka? Ini baru aktiviti bina ayat, belum lagi karangan. Saya tidak menyalahkan murid-murid saya. Sekurang-kurangnya mereka mencuba. Mungkin ini sudah boleh dikira baik bagi murid-murid di sekolah vernakular yang bertutur dalam bahasa ibunda mereka sepanjang masa.

Saya sertakan beberapa contoh ayat yang dibina oleh murid-murid saya. Ada yang menggelikan hati, ada yang tidak membawa sebarang maksud, ada juga yang membawa maksud yang dalam. Nak tolong saya betulkan? Selamat berjaya!

Bina satu ayat bagi setiap berkataan yang berikut:

FAEDAH
1. Burung itu memberi makan faedah.
2. Memakan buah-buah sangat faedah.
3. Bersukan faedah sendiri.
4. Ada faedah ada sendiri tahu.
5. Menabung faedah kepada kami.

SESUAI
1. Ben Hong sesuai dengan Alice. (Ben Hong adalah dirinya sendiri! Kes jatuh hati agaknya.)
2. Pakaian L sesuai untuk Calvin. (Ada Calvin dalam kelas saya. Dia bersaiz comel)
3. Ibu sesuai memasak kari.
4. Ada kasut sesuai kepada saya berwarna merah muda.
5. Geluncur air sesuai di taman.

AJAK
1. Ajak dan Ajik bermain PSP. (Aduh..pening)
2. Dia ajak ayam makan. ( Agaknya murid ini nak tulis peribahasa 'ajak-ajak ayam' atau nak ajak makan ayam)
3. Chee Meng suka ajak hari jadi.
4. Rumah ada ajak main. (uuuuhh..!)
5. Saya ajak adik ajak dia mahu.


KELUARGA
1. Keluarga kami erat.
2. Mama papa ada keluarga.
3. Abang keluarga bersama kakak saya.
4. Dia keluarga banyak susah.
5. Kepada saya sayang keluarga.

SERONOK
1. Bermain piano tidak seronok. (Mungkin mak murid ini paksa ambil kelas piano)
2. Bermandi laut cuti sekolah seronok.
3. Mei Su (Pendidikan Seni) saya seronok tetapi BI saya tidak. (Ayat jujur)
4. Ada wang ada seronok. (Mata duitan!)
5. Semasa cuti amat seronok, sekarang tidak seronok. (Ha! Ha! Yang ini saya setuju)

I feel good

Being back at work is not that bad at all. I thought I wouldn't like it since I am getting comfortable being in the holiday mood.

I might actually have discovered something. I think I know why last year was so tense for me.

It was because I was in the morning session.

I'm not a morning person, I don't do anything at all in the morning but sleeping. I know this since I started going to school when I was still a kid, but I didn't know it could actually interfere my happiness. As a 'nocturnal' person, I function best at night. So, last year when I had to wake up at half past five every morning, it ruined my days. I was still half asleep when I drove to work, almost woke up when I started my class at 7 a.m, and finally woke up when when my Hang Tuah 3-in-one black coffee tricked my brain.

Ahh...it feels so good working in the afternoon session!

Everything is now agreeable with my body again. Some people like my mom and Monkey don't understand that 'nocturnal' doesn't apply only to those who live in the jungle, it applies to human as well.

OK, time is up. Time to trade on Forex now. Ciao!

First Day Back to School and My Shoes

Back to work today. Everything is still not very organised but what best can we expect, it's only the first day of school for this year.

And yeeeeeehhhhaaaaa, I'm back to afternoon session!

Though, I miss my students in the morning session...and I'm sure they miss me too. I met a few of them today before they went back. Oh, well. I better not start talking about this, I'm afraid I would want to march to my PK1's room and ask her to put me back into the morning session.

For these first three days, I need to be at school one hour earlier. This is because we are having orientation for the new member of our family, the Year 1 pupils.

I wore my new heels today, the old ones are already worn out. Bloody Elle shoes, they gave me blisters on my feet. I had to take them off and walked to the parking lot because the blisters burst and started to bleed. Ouuucch, very painful! Damn you Elle shoes, now I have to spend more money on shoes. It reminds me, last year when I went shopping for shoes with my friend, E, she gave me a funny tip on shoes. She said if I want my shoes to bond instantly with my feet, I must bite them before I start wearing them. That way, I won't get blisters from new shoes. I laughed it out loud, she must be kidding. Who would do such thing, right? To my surprise, today my new colleague spontaneously told me that she thinks I won't get blisters if only I have bitten my new shoes before I wear them.
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I was like...........errrhhh? What did you say?

She didn't laugh and announce it as a joke. Instead, she said, "you didn't know mah?" Then off she went.

OH!
MY!
GOD!

Please, someone out there, please tell me they were kidding me. Nobody bite their new shoes, right? There is no such thing, right?

I think the shoes only gave me blisters because I was being cheap. I have been eyeing them for quite a few months already but only bought them now that they have been transferred to the discount shelves.

But urrgh, I just can't believe there are actually people who bite their shoes for whatever reasons they believe.

Do you?

Better Malaysians

I wasted my whole day today thinking if there is a best way I could teach my students at school on how to be better Malaysians. At the end of my thinking, I realised I actually don't need another best way to do it, indeed, what I'm doing now is already the best way to do it. All I have to do is to keep teaching them the value of honesty, love, equality and respect.

It seems like I need to emphasize on this a lot while I can because I will be leaving my job soon, I might won't get the chance to do it again in future. Someone has to make a change in this place I call home. Even one change will mean a lot to our future nation.

Why do I think we need a change? Try to follow the politic games in Malaysia and read our national newspaper everyday, you'll understand it. I've been doing it for the past 7 years and guess what, I get very sick of it! I feel so sick that I might want to consider to stop from reading newspapers or watching local news updates on tele. Almost all papers I read every morning are reporting craps and lies. Some even publish provoking writing. Try to ignore it and turn to another page and viola, craps on celebrities! Next topic could be about Mawi and Ekin (sickening!), Siti Nurhaliza or Norman Hakim. What the hell? What did they do to deserve a space in my morning papers? Good thing these days the Internet creates us other alternative for news resources. I feel good to know that there are still people out there who really care to report the correct news and events happening in our place.

There are many other things that are very sickening and need to be changed in Malaysia. Beside the dirty and unfair politic games, the typical people's mind disgusts me the most. Of course I can't change the corrupt mind of our politicians but it's not too late yet to guide our future leaders and instill good values in them, unlike our existing corrupt ones. Not only politicians, common people like me also need to change our attitude. I don't know about other people but to me, it's not easy to live together with my fellow Malaysians. Not because Monkey said I'm a weirdo but because I find we Malaysians like to insult one another...and the worst part is, we don't feel ashamed of doing it!

One little example, how come people can be so freely judging individuals on the basis of their ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, gender, accent, physical or mental disability in here? How come people don't feel ashamed addressing their friends as 'my Malay, Chinese, Indian, Iban, Kadazan friends'? Do they really have to MENTION the ethnic background of their friends? Racist, that's all I can think of. Why can't we address our friends as 'my friends', regardless of whoever and whatever they are? I get very offended when I hear people are referring someone act by condemning his or her race. That is not right, man. Try this:

" I'm not surprise. That is a common (__________) behaviour."

" Dasar (______________)! Pergi jahanam kau (_____________) baju aku banyak iklan." (get it?)

" Stupid (_____________)!)

(___________!!)

Now, fill in the blanks with races in Malaysia. Don't you find they are common things uttered by the Joe at the street?

I mean, really, why can't we address our disappointments directly to the person who did the wrong doings instead of referring it to his/her race? Didn't we learn at school that everybody has a name? He/She did not represent everybody who shares the same race as his. Don't, DON'T ever do that, people!

I plead to my Malaysian fellows, let us change our mentalities. We need to change the way we think in order for us to live together peacefully in our country. I don't believe you people are comfortable being subjugated because of your ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, gender, accent, physical or mental disability. Let us treat everybody equally. After all, we are part of human family, why do we want to ridicule others when we are exactly just like them? Open our eyes and mind, we can think differently. We don't have to be obligated and blindly follow those traditional mind set we inherited from our ancestors. We are living in a different generation now, we can choose to be better Malaysians.

Together we can make the change.

I forgot I was Tagged by Christine last year

Opps, I did it again!

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down song name NO MATTER HOW silly it sounds.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal / blog.

I am too lazy to start my WMP so I use my music player in my mobile phone.

1. If someone says, “Is this okay?” … you say?
Hain Jasli ~ Nokuro (Why?)

Me : Ha ha ha! That was funny.

2. How would you describe yourself?
Jimmy Basinau ~ Mirinda Susah Dilepaskan

Me : Ha ha ha! Even funnier. I listen to the song and laugh hysterically. Seriously, maybe that's how I describe myself in the past. I'm thankful I have got over it. I'm a better person now, fat but healthy. Ha ha. The song starts more or less like this (Translated from Dusun language) ~~

There was this girl,
she was an alcoholic,
Boy, it's not easy to let it go,
isn't it?

She was also a smoker,
always seen inhaling smokes,
Boy, it's not that easy to quit it,
isn't it?

The doctor advised her,
she would be better if she stopped it,
For it's a hard fact,
Smoking and drinking could harm her health,
When it happen, there will be no cure.

(And there are more....)

3. What do you like in a boy?
Amy Search ~ Srikandi Cintaku (My love warrior ~ I know, doesn't make sense)

Me : I like a tall and skinny boy, so that he won't be able to bully me because I always have something to pick on him. Besides, it'll make it easier for me to blow him away in all argument. Ha ha! If you didn't know, Monkey was really thin when we first met. I never succeed blowing him away though, he always managed to grab on something to hold on when I did it. Lol!

4. How do you feel today?
Unknown Singer ~ Zero-zero Kayu Balak (Missing Timbers)

Me : I feel lonely. I miss my siblings.

5.What is your life’s purpose?
Unknown Singer - Imagine Me Without You

Me : Uncertain. I live my life one day at a time now. I feel sad about it. I don't have a clue anymore what should I aim in my life. Everything I have in my hand seems like to slip beyond my control. My only hope is to start a new life in Australia soon. Somewhere without my past and familiar place or face. Hopefully I'll find a meaningful life purpose in there.

6. What is your motto?
Unknown~Sape acoustic.

Me : Do what you can today because tomorrow never comes.

7. What do your friends think of you?
Keane ~ Somewhere Only We Know

Me : I don't care. I'd like them to keep it to themselves.

8. What do you think of your parents?
Ronan Keating ~ If Tomorrow Never Comes

Me : Divorce freaks, full of drama.

9. What do you think about very often?
Wow Worship ~ Above All

Me : How to undo the tangles in my life. Make everything straight, easy and simple.

10. What is 2 + 2?
Wow Worship ~ Give Thanks

Me : Easy.

11. What do you think of your best friend?
Modern Talking ~ Brother Louie

Me : She's a good person, understanding and funny. She's like a sister to me.

12. What do you think of the person you like?
Coldplay ~ Yellow

Me : Responsible and loving.

13. What is your life story?
Scorpions ~ Wind of Change

Me : It's wild, you don't want to know.


14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Unknown Dusun Singer ~ Z Tendu Talawa (Beautiful Girl)

Me : Yes, I want to be beautiful.

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Sean Kingston ~ Beautiful Girls

Me : Ha ha ha ha ha!

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Atama ~ Sumazau

Me : That's right. That's what I danced at my wedding.


17. What will they play at your funeral?
Abba ~ Thank You For The Music

Me : Good one.


18. What is your hobby/interest?
Cake ~ I'll Survive

Me : Can't make survival as a hobby. LOL. My hobby is singing.


19. What is your biggest fear?
Ella ~ Rama-rama (Butterfly)

Me : No, I like butterfly. I'm scared of leech.


20. What is your biggest secret?
Abba ~ I Do, I Do, I Do

Me : No, I don't want to tell my biggest secret.


21. What do you think of your friends?
Amy Winehouse ~ Rehab

Me : Lol! I do think some of my friends need to go to rehab.

22. What will you post this as?
Britney Spears ~ Opps, I did it again

Me : Typically me!

So Long 2008, Welcome 2009!

Year 2008 has ended. So long 2008, welcome 2009.

It was not exactly an easy year for me. Most nights in 2008 I cried myself to bed. I can say it was among the toughest years in my life so far. There were quite a few things I wish I didn't say or do. There were also many things I wish didn't happen to me and my family.

Seeing that last year, I always had something bad to say on everything, could it be because I am one unhappy person? Or could it be because I am just a plain cry baby? Or both? Gosh, these sound so pathetic. Or am I?

A very close friend once mentioned her concerns about me. She thinks I am quite a pessimistic person. She also said I worry a lot. Ya, that one I agree with her. Although, I must say I did put a fair amount of effort to look at the bright side when situations occurred in my life. So, I can safely say I am not a total pessimist. I don't see myself like that. I always believe things happen for reasons, they can't just purposely happen to hurt me. It can't be. It against the nature.

Most of my problems and dilemmas have been hanging around me forever. They have been tailing me all my life. They have long started since my childhood. It's just that things are getting unruly and beyond acceptable this year.

If I were to play the hideous blaming game again, I would put all the blames to the way I was raised back then. Thanks to all the motivational books and wise advices from many people I've met throughout the journey of my life, I don't do that anymore. If I've ever learnt anything, I've learnt to give up blaming people for those catastrophes and violence that robbed my happiness. So, instead of getting angry as usual, I cried a lot. Now, please don't judge me for being a girl, okay?

Maybe one day in future, with substantial amount of patient, I will understand how all these become significant to my life. At the moment, they are still mysteries, they don't make any sense to me at all. This coming year, I hope time will be on my side, so together we can unlock the mysteries of life, especially mine.

Welcome 2009! No more tears please, Midget. Smile..think positive..happy..get slim, exercise!

Adios 2008. Cheers for coming.