Saturday, April 18, 2009

Mari Mengumpat

Bukan kenapa-kenapa sebenarnya saya tak nak tampal gambar gemuk saya di blog ini. Di dalam blog terdahulu, saya telah 'kebaruan' dan menggunakan nama sebenar semua watak-watak dalam blog. Bukan takat nama, gambar pun penuh saya upload kan. Masa itu saya belum tahu dan tidak pernah 'digigit' oleh stray dogs di alam cyber. Saya masih ingat lagi, gambar kahwin, gambar birthday, gambar suka duka saya bersama suami monyet saya...sehinggakan gambar tasuh saya pun saya jeremuskan ke dalam blog terdahulu. Tidak saya sangka rupanya benda-benda itu boleh diguna pakai untuk menyakitkan saya suatu hari nanti.

Perempuan celaka itu boleh saja saya celakakan blognya, atau lebih sadis, saya buat apa yang dia pernah lakukan pada saya. Beruntunglah dia kerana telah memilih akua blogger seperti saya sebagai preynya. Kalau perempuan itu buat sedemikan kepada saya pada 5 tahun yang lepas, mampuslah dia, sampai dia ke lubang cacing pun saya kejar untuk menyembur toxic satu badan. Ha ha! Kejam tak? Mujur saja sekarang saya sudah beransur tua dan cepat lelah. Biarlah ilmu game kejar-kejar dan tapuk-tapuk sesama bitches saya simpan dalam peti untuk diwariskan kepada keturunan saya nanti.

Sebab itulah di blog baru saya, saya tidak menampal terlalu banyak gambar peribadi atau mengulangi mana-mana kesilapan di blog lama. Once bitten, twice shy. Biarlah cuma kawan-kawan rapat sahaja yang tahu apa rupa saya dan di mana rumah kediaman saya. Mungkin kalau setakat gambar-gambar tungau dan tasuh saya, kalau monkey saya ada duit lebih untuk gantikan kamera saya yang dia hilangkan, saya akan postkan.

Saya tulis post ini sekadar untuk peringatan diri saya sendiri dan kalau lah perempuan itu (akhirnya) terjumpa blog ini, untuk peringatan kepada dia juga. Baru-baru ini geng bitch dia (tapi tahap bitchnya sekadar suam-suam kuku dan saya masih boleh layan) telah terlepas cakap dan menyebabkan saya mendapat tahu, perempuan celaka itu tengah giat mencari-cari saya. Tiba-tiba hati saya terasa sedikit sakit. Amboi, rindu ke? Ke, dah nak mati lalu berinisiatif meminta maaf atas kebiadapan tahap tenuk, mencerobohi kemudian menelanjangi pilihan kehidupan peribadi saya? Ishk! (Tampar pipi sendiri) Jahatnya fikiran ko. Sejak bila mengamalkan sikap buruk sangka ni?

Hati saya sebenarnya masih bengkak(...ceehh..pemarah, gitu..) atas perbuatannya. Jadi, biarlah sekali ini saja saya izinkan diri saya mengumpat dia. Apa pun niat dia untuk mencari saya, saya tidak suka. Tapi tak mengapalah. Teruskan lah usaha mencari sampai dapat. Kalau terjumpa, ini, ada mesej untuk kamu:

Berambus. Engkau tak diterima di sini!

Hah. Lega hati saya.

Ye lah. Ini blog beta yang punya. Beta nak tulis apa, beta punya suka. Nah, kau. Ada tak orang yang telah termeluat dengan statement bongkak ini? Opps..sorry.

Tapi memang betul pun. Tulisan di sini semuanya kosong belaka, tak ada yang bernas. Kalau bukan melepaskan geram, saya cuma tulis tentang hal-hal remeh dan membosankan yang berlaku sehari-hari di dalam rumah saya. Itu saja. Zaman sekolah dulu, kalau bosan, saya tulis apa apa kat kertas. Lepas tu buang. Kadang-kadang ada juga yang sempat 'kedapatan' oleh kawan-kawan se-dorm, lalu dijadikan bahan kutukan dan gelak ketawa. Tapi tak ada pula diorang sampai buat forum untuk mengutuk 'kata hati' saya tadi. Paling-paling pun cuma kutuk-kutuk sayang je. Itupun sekali dua kali kutuk je, tak da lah hingga berminggu-minggu. Biasalah kawan-kawan, kan. Blog ini tarafnya saya andaikan samalah juga seperti kertas-kertas luahan rasa saya di zaman muda. Bezanya, tulisan ini dibuang ke tempat yang lagi besar dan boleh dicapai oleh ramai orang. Well, kalau nak baca, bacalah. Kalau suka, suka lah. Kalau tak suka, sorry, wa tak dapat tolong. Pi lah main kat blog lain. Betul tak? Tak payahlah buka thread forum untuk mengutuk. Sakit hati, tau.

Berbalik kepada perempuan jahat tadi, kalau boleh saya nak jerit je kat dia, alaaaa...apalah yang ada pada saya ini untuk ko jadikan bahan blog kumpulan anjing betina ko? (Waduh, kasar ke alih bahasa saya ini?) Saya bukannya ada apa-apa pun. Rupa tarak, harta tarak, beg tangan pun semuanya di bawah 15 ringgit. Kalau ada yang original, cumalah beg duit Guess dan beg tangan Elle. Takan itu pun korang nak jadikan modal?

Bukan itu ya? Oooohhh....yang ittew rupanya. Alaa, kalau tentang perjalanan hidup saya dan pandangan saya terhadap pekerjaan saya, tak payahlah korang sibuk-sibuk. Korang sibuk pun, bukan dapat upah. Memenatkan korang dan menyakitkan hati saya je.

Saya mengaku, saya memang tidak suka dan tidak gembira dengan pekerjaan saya. Tapi tidak bermakna saya tidak melaksanakan tugas saya dengan amanah. Marilah, datang sekolah saya. Bawa video cam dan duduk tengok saya kerja. Barulah adil. Hanya kerana kamu memang bercita-cita menjadi guru sejak lahir, tidak bermaksud kamu ada lesen untuk budget bagus, hOKay? Ingat tak masa di kolej dulu? Kamu, terutamanya perempuan itu, telah menyapu bersih gred C untuk subjek-subjek penting seperti Pedagogy dan Methodology. Nah, alang-alang dah termention, bolehkah saya menggunakan point itu untuk menembak balas kamu?

Saya bertemu jodoh dengan mat saleh, itu di luar perancangan saya. Kalau korang tak puas hati, korang pi lah tanya tuhan, kenapa pertemukan jodoh saya dengan suami saya, walhal dulu, saya pernah sign nama dalam pasukan mengutuk kawan-kawan yang menggilai ang moh. Betul tak, Ten? Alamak, sorry Ten, ko tersedak ke?

Ah, cukuplah. Panjang pula entry tentang perempuan ittew. Tadi baru je my bestfriend SMS. Dia kata dia tak nak update blog dia kerana tahun ini tahun yang suram untuk dia. Dia cuma nak tulis cerita gembira. Alaaa..dah lambat ko cakap, dear. Dah penuh blog I dengan cerita duka lara. Tapi tak pe kan, bestie? Ko baca je lah cerita-cerita suram I ini.

Saya tak boleh lah... kalau nak tunggu cerita happy, tahun depan pun belum tentu ada. Eh, saya cakap bohong ni. Dinner dengan jiran saya hari tu boleh kira happy occasion juga. Emm. Itu nanti cerita lain kali lah.

Friday, April 17, 2009

An open letter to home wreckers out there

Dear home wreckers,

Please add into your vocabulary that a man who is married is not available anymore. Don't you know that chasing a married man is morally low? It's nauseating. There are many fish in the sea, why chase after the unavailable ones?

I warn ya, woman. Stop your sinful efforts or my foot shall be jammed on your ass!

Yours truly,
The Wife

Friday, April 10, 2009

5.06 a.m. Walla!

Almost couldn't believe my eyes when I check the clock.

Just finished doing 'charity' works for my sister. She begged me to help with her course assignment. I actually hate it when she begs, I don't know how to say NO to a begging sister. This is not the first time she gave me last minute work to do. How in this earth could she expect me to finish an assignment in within few hours? Many times I warned her, she could get into big troubles if she keeps giving me trouble...but *sigh* she never listened. At the end, I'm always the one who is in trouble; staying up until wee hours to save her from troubles. Anyways, it's done now. I'll keep it with me until the very last minute, though. Just to give her the taste of real last minute work. Let her panic and beg me more. Ha ha!

I'm sorry about my previous post on my depression. I think I've exposed myself too much in here. I regret that I doubted my god. It was stupid, I should never said what I have said in my previous post. I'm sorry again for acting childish. Now we all know I am a real cry baby.

I'm back to work today. It's again same old same old but I do not wish to add more stress into my life, so I just do what I have to do. My life has go to on. Munkee said nobody should stop living because they are having a minor depression.

A'yai, Sir! Thank you, Sir!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Life Goes On

Why, after complaining peevishly about my life, I still don't feel any better. It usually helps a bit when I moan and groan here.

Oh please, don't tell me it's a sign of prolong depression or worst, early sign of Dysthymia. Oh no, I better get out of this state of feeling, or else.

I better get up now, put my Nike shoes on and go for a very long walk. I gotta fight this feeling. I gotta get over it. I know better than lying down on the bed, wishing it'll go away soon.

My life has to go on, with or without god's or anybody's concern. This life is a battle. I've fought it with dignity for 27 years, I can't give up now. I just can't.

Depressed

Angry. Confused. Sad. Tired.

They got me physically paralysed since last Sunday. Couldn't go to work and face the world outside, couldn't have the courage to clean myself, couldn't eat, couldn't do anything at all. I'm feeling so aggrieved with my life. I mean, not only about what I'm doing for life but everything. Why oh why.

I have started to wonder whether god really exists. All my life I've been trying to persuade myself that god does exist, I tried very hard to believe this man-creator is real. But then, against all my faiths, I never felt or saw or heard anything significant to myself that proves he really exists. Every pray has been turned down, every wish has been granted the other way around, everything I ever wanted to believe never been proven real. What have I done wrong to deserve these?

I've only learnt that god is good through other's experience. They flaunt on how good god is, blessing them with so many things, granted every wish, been there for them all the time...but why only them? Why not me?

Not only I believed hard, prayed hard, I worked super hard too. How frustrating it is to learn that all I got is the opposite of what I believed. Just for an instance, since I was 3 or 4, I've started to pray may god fix our family so that we can live like all normal family. Instead, after 24 years of praying and believing, we're now given a stepmother, 12 stepbrothers and sisters, and apparently a half brother/sister is on the way. For goodness sake, I'm wounded. I'm miserably wounded.

I know I will be bashed by family and friends who think what I'm blabbering sheer nonsense. Ya, go right ahead. Bash me, criticize me, call me names. At the end of the day, it's me who is living my life. I'm the only one who knows how it feels being me. Except if there really is god, then he should know it too. But again, I'm not sure about that anymore.

Or is it simply because I've been following and praying to the wrong god? Maybe I don't have to take it anymore, maybe I'll just stop praying to the one I'm praying to now and start finding ones that care.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Hurty

Not going to a dodgy karaoke bar like that messy bar near my house again. Although it is just right next door, I will never set my foot there, ever again. A small-descent looking bar from outside but boy, guess who thronged the place?

A bunch of underage kids.

Thick-skinned bitches who shamelessly came round our table uninvited and helped themselves with OUR drinks.

Very limited songs on the karaoke with bad, bad, real bad sound system.

40's women who thought they were teenagers and trying hard to pick boys from the bar.

An owner who was trying very hard to keep her business.

She must be really desperate that she took a very large effort, escorting us to our car's doors when we left. Fine. Thanks a lot for that. But not yet, what's the catch?


Here's the catch. When I turn my back for a second, she tried to kiss my husband!


Dirty slut. Good thing I knew my husband well, otherwise I'll just lost my mind and god knows what will happen next.

Agreeing to go to a karaoke bar near home apparently was really a bad move. Real bad. I swear I'll never, ever go there, or even drive pass that area, ever again. Next time if I feel like singing again, I'll drive 60 KM to Jusco Tebrau City and make use of my RedBox privilege card. After all, that's what I paid it for; to be used.

I'm sorry that I'm this angry again but for feck sake, not only I was horribly, terribly, awfully disturbed having to watch underage kids mingling in the bar like nobody's business, I had to put up with bitches and sluts too. And like it was not worst enough already, when I walked off that place, the owner tried to kiss my husband!

That's really hurt. Hurty, hurty, hurty.

All I wanted was to sing a few songs, that's all. If I knew the price for it was that HIGH, I would just drag my husband to Singapore, pay triple on everything we touch. Now, don't judge me. You know I don't mean it. I say it only to help me feel a little bit better.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Urkel's touches.

Was watching Family Matters on YouTube just then. Steve Urkel made my eyes teary when he said this to his nervous, almost giving up teacher-- Ms. Steven.

"Look, you teachers are more than things that out of text book, you teachers also teach things about life. I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long, you hardly get the credits you deserve, but you are a teacher, Ms. Steven..."

Those lines may not means anything to others but to me, it's like a big wake up slap on my face.

When I look back in time, I realised I still adore my teachers. I don't remember them for not having big cars or great houses, I remember them for being good people, the people who I owe big time.

I always want to be a good person like my teachers. Now, somehow, I am a teacher myself. Perhaps not as good as them, but hopefully I am close to fulfill the qualities.

With that, do I still have any reason to whine about my noble job?

I don't, do I?

Good.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Thanks Bro

Texted my bro for money SOS. He transfered me the amount I needed at once, without question asked.

Wow, it feels damn good having a working sibling!

Guilty!

We received an unpleasant news from a close relative this afternoon. It was so revolting that it drove my dearly hubby berserk. Knowing my husband so well, I tried not to say anything about it while he's still responding to it. Even better if I could keep my mouth sealed and not saying a word to him until he calms down and comes to his senses.

I'm not saying that he's one difficult man, he's just upset. I know I said I tried not to say anything to him but it's very difficult when he kept poking me with things I don't like to hear. I could understand he was actually only trying to let his feelings out, that's all. I don't blame him, he just didn't know how to respond to a situation under pressure.

My role was suppose to calm him down, promise him everything will be alright, but somehow I lost my cool. What else could I do when he tried very hard to take the problem on me? It was not my shit, why took it on me? Being a short-tempered person, it's beyond my control when I snapped back at him.

And now I hear myself saying, shitto, why did I do that? He's upset, why couldn't I just tolerate it? Selfish me!

Because of my porky mouth, my hubby pouted to bed. That's the last thing I wanted him to do. He worked so hard during the day and that man deserves a good night sleep, not a good long pout.

I'm swimming in a pond of guilt now. I wish I said sorry to him straight away when I snapped. I don't want him to think his feeling is not important. I wish right now he could hear me saying Luv, I'm sorry for not being a good listener. I promise I'll try harder next time.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Fancy stapler bullets? Try eating them.

"Think Fast!!"
Bongkor (real name) threw a row of stapler bullets to his friend, Bud'ingar (real name too). While others were greeting their teacher, these two midgets were sneakily playing 'catching stuffs' at the back. Only this time, one of them thought too fast that he caught it with his mouth. Unfortunately, it went straight to his throat and he stupidly chose to swallow it.

When Bud'ingar realised he just committed a possible chargeable crime, he did what all kids will do, panicking. He was too panic that he could not think of anything else but crying. Mr. Cool (again, real name) noticed one of his kids was crying, so as a concern teacher, he asked why.

Before Bud'ingar got the chance to open his mouth, all his kaypoh classmates already raced to the front, of course, to give their blow-by-blow account on what had happened. Meanwhile, Bongkor gulped almost half of the water in his drinking bottle to wash the clogging thing up his throat.

Mr. Cool was shocked to learn what just happened in the first two minutes of his period. For a second maybe, I think he wouldn't mind changing his name to Mr. Angry. Nonetheless, being Mr. Cool and also a trained teacher, he knew what he had to do. Off he went to the office, dragging the two monkey heads with him.

Long story short, parents were contacted, transportation to hospital was arranged and appropriate reports to a few departments were done. There gone his two periods with that class for that week, wasted just like that.

The next day, Mr. Cool was informed by the only nice guy in the management that the big boss needed to see him ASAP. Mr. Cool was not so cool about it. Well, who would blame him for feeling that way, nobody likes to be called to Mr. Bald's room. He's one very unpredictable guy.

Never mind about the kids' silly doing, there were just being kids. As long as they are not shooting each other with real guns or slashing each other with real samurais, they are free to learn their own mistakes. It's just a part of growing up, don't you agree? I bet every grown up has been there too. Not swallowing stapler bullet maybe, but you know what I mean.

What irks me is the parents attitude. Maybe they'll say hey, you are not a parent, whatdoyaknow? Yes, correct, Mr. All Right. I'm not a parent myself (yet), but it's not that hard to tell how it works. I have parents too, so there, I know how it works. All parents don't like their children to experience any sort of pain, it's understandable.

However, if something bad happen to your kid, why can't you calm down first before you start abusing and blaming anything near you? If your kid get hurt at school, it doesn't necessarily mean that the whole thing is the teacher's fault, you know. We teachers have a lot of important and worthy things to do than hurting your children. Go check it with Mrs.Tigress, she knows what kind of work loads she dumps to us every day. If one day your kid walks home from shop, jumped over the drain in front of your house, lost his balance and fall into the stinky drain, what would you blame? The drain or the earth? I bet you would prefer to blame his PE teacher for not teaching him well about balance! But never your kid. Your kid is always right, right Mr. and Mrs All Right?

Accident happens, it could happen to anyone, including your children. Your children get hurt at home too, have you ever blame yourself for that?

In Mr. Cool's case, he just stepped into the classroom, haven't even put his books down when Bongkor decided to see if stapler bullets were up to his taste buds. Mr. Cool didn't encourage them, they did it willingly by themselves. So, why not try to thank him for his quick act that rescued Bongkor's sorry digestion system instead of slapping him with the hospital bills? Were Mr. Cool an ignorant person like me, Bongkor will never guess what fate will he face.

Parents sometimes could be tougher to deal with than their growing up kids. When accidents happen at school, teachers are to be blamed. No questions asked, it must be the teachers' fault. But when their children do well, they'll take all the credits, saying it's all their hard work, not forgetting the magical wonders of money they invested in tuition centre. Cet pooodah! We bersengkang mata marking and correcting their exercise books, all we get is never ending blames.

Were I mean, I would just tell the crazy parents to home-school their children. They claimed they are this big, that big, this rich, that rich, but why send their children to a public school? Man, I can't wait to go back to my hometown, where parents are not rich and big, just like me. It's never a secret that I am a country girl and I guess I only suit with country people's attitude. I'm now officially too tired with these arrogant town people.

Oh well, at least I'm not working in a field full of corrupt dogs. I should shut my mouth now and be thankful of having the noblest job in the world. Can't imagine what would come to me if I have to witness the disgusting act of handing money under table everyday, like some people.

Still, unreasonable parents are annoying me. Too vicious, I would say.